And then all hell broke loose

Wow, I feel like I'm living in an episode of the Twilight Zone.  This week was the all exciting "Parent-Teacher-Student conferences".  Every student and teacher met to discuss the student's attitude, motivation, and performance in class.  In Japan, students stay in the same classroom all day while the teachers rotate.  Each class has a homeroom teacher that keeps a class notebook of behavior notes for all of the students in each class.  Teachers also meet daily to talk about concerns.  These concerns are then delivered to parents in the most honest, but sensitive (Japanese) way possible.  I really wish I could have been present for some of them.  I expect to see a lot of gifts in the teacher's lounge next week from embarrassed parents.  So, what's happened this week?

Monday - wow, oh wow...a busy day of reading tests.  I have to admit the students are improving, but gosh, listening to 80 Japanese kids trying to read English is near painful.  And then listening to them complain when they get a B, because "please" became "place" and "try" became "nantoka" (UH....) and every word was read in robotic fashion...sigh.  I quickly learned the phrase, "kimochi wo komete" (insert feeling).

Later in the day, I was heading upstairs to the 1st year's floor (4th floor).  As I passed the 2nd year floor, I suddenly hear, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" and then spotted kids running up and down the hallway.  Then a group of girls start in on "Old McDonald..."  which was more like: "Uh huh uhhh huh nanana E-I-E-I-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...heheheahahaha."  Then came the banging and a group of boys shoving each other up against the wall.  It's like the 3rd floor psych ward.  Continuing up to the 4th floor, I walk into class 1-1 and stop dead in my tracks.  It's about 30 degrees outside and they have every window and balcony door open.  Students are sitting on their desks, some boys are throwing paper airplanes, a group of girls are trying to grab one another's private parts, as are a group of three boys who are piled on each other's laps in a single chair.  To top it off, the two smallest, nerdiest boys in class are fighting, literally. One boy had the other boy in a choke hold (limply) and was punching him in the stomach (probably to little affect).  OH DEAR GOD!  What the hell has happened here!?  I stop and just stare for a few seconds upon which they notice me and stop.  The English teacher walks in and I say, "It seems all hell has broken loose."  She just looks at me and asks what that means.  I then give an impromtu lesson on the phrase, writing it on the board so she can see it.  She then says, "Recently, all hell has been breaking loose in class 1-1 and I don't know why the kids have become crazy" (taught her crazy last week).  Shoganai ne (it can't be helped).

Tuesday - Elementary school.  The real highlight of my day was receiving this picture, for the 6th grade yearbook, drawn by the secretary.  I  am the one on the right swinging from the stem.  Totally awesome.  She asked me to write something and not knowing really what to write, I spent about 1 minute writing "nantoka nantoka...blahblahblah" and then gave it back.  She looked at me and says, "You're already done! That's fast...it took me 3 days to draw the picture."  Uhhhh??? And? Am I supposed to take three days to write a note to a group of kids I see once a month?  Probably not the best response I could have come up with.

Wednesday - Start of parent conferences, only 4 classes.  After which I was asked to help tutor slower students.  3 girls. The first girl is clearly slower, back in America she would be in a resource classroom.  She really struggles in school, but all the teachers say is: "she just doesn't have any motivation to learn." Hmm, even when she does try she gets 15 out of 100 at best.  She's a sweet girl, but the only thing I ever hear from her is, "zenzen wakaranai" (I don't understand anything).  The second girl walks in with a CRAZY look in her eye, almost like she wanted to eat me alive.  She turned to the English teacher and says, "I don't want to work with Jones. She's scary." ME!?!  Crap this girl always looks ready to beat someone up.  At that moment, another student came in to ask a question and the little girl turns to her, in a gangster like voice barks, "Wadda ya want? Get outta here." WHOA!? The girl ignores her and keeps trying to talk.  The little girl just keeps saying to get out, she can't be in here.  Then a 3rd student trails in.  She's the smallest 2nd year student.  This girl spends the majority of her time in the nurse's office or standing at the entrance of the teacher's lounge.  Last week, her other classmates were screaming at her in the middle of class, while she wildly drew dark circles through her textbook.  A couple days later she called 119 to come get her from school because she didn't want to go home.  They couldn't get any information out of her, so she ended up spending a few hours at the police station.  Crap and I'm supposed to do what with these girls?  Teach them phonics?! WHAT!  At first the little gangster girl wouldn't even look at me, the slow girl immediately forgot everything the second we moved onto another letter, and the little girl...she honestly didn't really seem to need any help, but was there probably just to have something to do so the other kids wouldn't pick on her.  All in all it was pretty fun.  I taught them that calling a teacher, teacher, in America is rude and I'd prefer Miss Jones.  When I got up to leave they all said, "Thank you Miss Jones."  AHH!!! so cute.  I guess it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

Thursday - Not so cute.  This time I was asked to help 4 boys...oh lord help me.  From the very start one boy would only say "poop" to every question.
Me- "A, A, Apple"
Him- "A, A, Apple poop"
Me - "D, D, Dog"
Him-"D, D, Dog poop"
Sigh...then he made the sentence (in English) - "Poop in pasta rice."
Me - "Wow, impressive...next"
We then get to F
Me - "F, F, Fish"
Him-"F, F, F*ck You"
Me - WHOA! I don't think so!  In America that'll get you hit, you don't say that."  The boys were genuinely shocked that people will hit you for saying that.  Here it's about as casual as any other greeting one might use.
After F, he goes back to poop.
Me - "S, S, snake"
Him - "S, S, sh*t"
OH COME ON!  SERIOUSLY!? Quickly finishing the rest of the sounds, the boy stands up and goes...no joke, "All this talk of poop.  I want to go poop now.  Wait a second."
Upon returning, he begins spelling memorable words like, sex and hentai eros (perverted love).  Of course right at that moment another teacher comes in and sees this and to my suprise says absolutely nothing!!! No wonder the kids go nutty in his class.
I try to move on to teaching verbs.
Me - "Eat"
Boys -"I eat girls" (NO JOKE)
Me - "Play"
Boys - "Boys and girls play sex" (Here they teach the kids that the verb "do" also means play)
Me - Okay, I'm done. You guys seem to know everything you'll need later in life.  Good luck. Bye bye.

Friday - I was in a 3rd year class helping students translate sentences.  One of the boys in the class was just sitting there, so I went over to help him figure out the first sentence.  As I was squatting near his desk he throws his hands up to his face and shouts, "GAIJIN OPPAI! AH! Oh NO! Oh My GOD! SO BIG! OH OH OH!"  WHAT THE HECK! I don't even have large breasts.  He finally calms down and I try to help him.  At the end of class, as I'm leaving and he stands up and says, "Thank you VERY much Mr. Jones."

Yes, I'm not a big breasted man.  Doesn't get much better than that.  Just 3 days left before break.  Should be interesting to see how things go from here.

And just when I thought things couldnt get any nuttier...

they do.

This week, 6 2nd year boys thought it would be entertaining to fight in the hallways after school...5-on-1.  Needless to say the 1 boy was pretty banged up.  Teachers were pissed because that meant they had to stay late to talk to all of the boys and their parents.  And what exactly came of this 2 hour 6pm meeting?  NOTHING!  The very next day every boy was back in class with nooo consequences and according to the teachers 1/2 of them didn't think that they did anything wrong!!!! What the heck!? 

It seems that by this point in the year, everyone in school, including the teachers, have become afraid of ONE boy.  I'm going to call him flowerman...1) because I'm not creative enough to come up with something different and 2) because part of his name is flower.  Flowerman isn't even that intimidating.  I've seen much more threatening 1st graders back in America.  But for some reason, some of the bigger boys, manchildren really, in the 2nd grade are also afraid of him.  I guess the teachers and students think he's actually crazy.  And by crazy they mean that he doesn't care about anything; which probably sounds awfully familiar to most teachers in the States.  His parents have given up and the teachers won't go near him, so that leaves him and his pea-sized brain to run the 3rd floor of the school.  It's like promoting the craziest patient in the psych ward to ward director. NUTS! ABSOLUTELY NUTS!  I'm tired of this crap.  My voice can't take any more screaming over the animal house that is the 3rd floor.  Next week I'm going to implement my solution.  It's called PROJECT ESTABLISH DOMINANCE.  Just give me a few more days in the gym and my biceps should be ready to challenge him to the time-tested gauge of manliness:  an arm-wrestling competition.  That's right, I'm going to challenge a 13 year old boy to an arm-wrestling contest.  Since I don't know enough Japanese to talk to him, I figure the best I can do is drop his ego a few notches.  Fortunately, there aren't any laws in Japan against such methods and people here don't sue.  Unfortunately, there aren't any safety regulations either and all the students are allowed to carry box cutters.  Yeah, that's right, in the madness that is Japanese education they actually let each kid carry around their own box cutter...CRAP! That's like giving the people in prison a knife upon entry.  Where the hell is the common sense!?

On a happier note, kids are finally starting to talk to me.  These conversation range from being asked, "Do you know something something Nightingale?" This was actually sung to me by a group of 4 1st year girls...I had NOOO idea what it was until one girl pronounced EVERY phoneme of the word.  I've been asked if my glasses are fashion glasses (people actually wear fake glasses over their contacts here).  I get asked daily if this is my real hair color, eye color, etc., etc.  My favorite conversation today was with a second year boy who caught me jay-walking.  This is the same boy who screams, "NAN DAIYO!" every time I look at him...(what/why are you doing that!?).  He felt it was his duty to tell me that it was wrong and that I should wait until the light turns blue.  Yes, in Japan the traffic light is blue, not green, even though it really is green.  I was impressed by his attempt at using English to chastize me about illegally crossing the street (especially since the same kid sleeps through class every day).  But nothing was better than the naughty 2nd year boy who seems to have learned English by osmosis....

Class 2-2 (the LOUDEST class in school) Start of class -

Naughty boy at the back - "Stand-up.  Please say Stand-up!"
Teacher - "Stand up please. Hello, class"
Class - "Hello Mrs. Tabiti" (they really call her that)
Naughty boy- "How are you class?"
Teacher...looking annoyed - "How are you today?"
Naughty boy- "Imfainsenkyunu and Ms. Jones?"
Mrs. Jones - "Good afternoon everyone"
Boys - "Good afternoon beautiful teacher Jones" (HELL YEAH!)
Mrs. Jones - "How are you today?"
Naughty boy - "I'm fabulous senks" (this is my line)
Mrs. Jones - "I'm super thanks"
Naughty boy - "Tabiti teacher what's super?"
For the rest of the class the student continued with all the teacher's lines, "Please turn to page 35." "Please repeat after Ms. Jones." "Okay, good job class now I'm Yuki and you're Mike."  "You are listening to English Radio...."

Ahhhh, that explains it all.  But I'm not going to complain.  The last last 10 minutes of class I was left by myself with nothing to do.  Standing at the front of the class, I suddenly find myself alone with absolutely NO idea what I'm going to do, when the naughty boy at the back yells, in English "Quiet everybody this is English time, Ms. Jones is trying to teach.  Listen to her."  He then says it in Japanese and when everyone gets quiet he goes, "Okay Ms. Jones."  We went through flashcards a few times...still time left....stalling stalling... losing the kids...but the kid in the back once again shouted for everyone to shut up.  HALLELUJIAH!!! Where the heck did he come from?!  Fabulous!!!  I don't understand what all these teachers are worked up about.  The 2nd years are so bad really.

Snotty noses and possessed homeroom teachers...

Okay, I'm so desperately going to try and update this more often.  I'm just so damn busy trying to survive on peanuts it's ridiculous.  This week in a nutshell (when I get home I'll upload pictures).

Monday - went and visited my new place of work.  ==== international preschool.  Beautiful place located in Azabu-Juban (a very wealthy part of Tokyo).  My main purpose was to meet with the owner and the director. Instead of this, I found myself spending much of the morning observing the Star class (preK).  The kids are so dang cute.  Most of them already know their alphabet, how to spell their names, most of the letter sounds, and how to do basic addition and subtraction.  I have to admit I was really curious as to what would happen in this class.  During my previous visit the teacher informed me that the worst behaved student was absent.  Apparently this kid bites, kicks, punches, and is a real terror.  After hearing this, I couldn't help but picture something like Chucky meets the Exorcist.  Seriously, how bad can a little 4 year old boy be?

Well, let me tell you, this little 4 year old boy is the CUTEST! kid I've ever seen.  He even has dimples when he smiles.  He looks more like an angel than the tiny terror the teacher described.  The entire time I was there, he clung to me, just smiling and asking politely if he could sit next to me.  I have to admit the kid had no social skills and did kick a kid once (though by no means was malicious about it...did I just excuse a kid kicking another kid?).  The kid obviously lacks social skills and spent most of his time looking around the room for social cues and then mimicking all the other kids.  I was a little disappointed.  If I were the teacher, he probably would have been my favorite kid, but I do always fall for the awkward ones. Honestly, the only disturbing thing about the kid was his excessive need to blow his nose.  I lost count of the number of times he had giant bugers hanging from his nose.

About 1/2 way into the day, the director and owner pulled me out and took me upstairs to see the 3rd floor, which is where the kindergarten class would be held.  The space was HUGE, about the size of 2 and 1/2 classrooms. One of the walls was floor to ceiling bookshelves.  They're getting ready to rennovate the space and have given me free reign to do with it as I please!!! Fantastic!  How many chances does a teacher get to totally design their own classroom?  I'm going to be able to build a science station, a stage, and some fake buildings!  This is going to be the coolest classroom ever!  I get to order all the supplies, tables, chairs, etc and budget isn't an issue.  I think I've died and gone to teacher heaven.  Once I'm done making every kindergartener's dream classroom, I get to design my own curriculum! What a way to start the week!

Then Tuesday came....

Tuesday - I thought I was going to have a pretty happy week.  Only 3 work days and one of them would be at my favorite elementary school where I always have loads of fun, but no of course not.  It's that time of the year when the weather is beginning to look a lot more like winter.  Unfortunately, no one has informed the BOE (board of education) of this.  I walked into the building and it had to be below 30 degrees inside.  Within 15 minutes my fingers were pale white with hints of light purple.  Good thing I was wearing a tank top, long-sleeve turtle-neck, two long sleeve shirts, a zip-up sweater, and a jacket.  Plus 2 pairs of tights and my dress pants, plus the longest thickest scarf I own.  You'd think with all these layers that I would be down-right overheating.  But no, I was still freezing.  Knowing that I was going to have to spend 3 hours in this room, I asked the other English teacher if it was alright for me to wear gloves.  Sorry, no insurance, no money, I'm not risking my health for 100 bucks a day.  She says it's fine and I go along with my day.  Everything was fine until 3rd period.  Halfway through class the homeroom teacher marches up to me in the front of everyone and starts yelling at me in Japanese. I was standing at the front flipping flashcards.  What could I possibly be doing that's so horribly wrong?  I was totally dumbfounded.  I have never in my life been spoken to in such a way by another adult.  Like a deer frozen in the headlights, I just stared at her.  While I'd like to say I had no idea what she was saying, I figured out pretty quickly exactly what she was trying to tell me.
     I have to say that it's pretty damn amazing how much Japanese I've picked up in the last 5 months.  Apparently, "IN JAPAN" students aren't allowed to wear hats, coats, scarves, or gloves in the classroom.  This is apparently distracting.  Hmm, odd, I would think that not being able to feel your fingers or toes in class would be distracting.  All of the students in that room were cold so I should be cold too.  It's not fair that I was allowed to wear a scarf and gloves while the kids sat there freezing.  WHAT!?  All I could think to myself as she rambled on was that I do NOT get paid enough to deal with this bs.  I just continued to stare at the teacher saying、"wakaranai" (I don't understand).  Okay that's a lie, I totally knew what she wanted, but damn I wasn't going to let someone talk to me like that and just bend over and take it.  So we moved off to the side and then the English teacher "translated".  I then said, unlike the rest of the students I didn't have government provided healthcare and could not afford to go to the doctor if I got sick.  She didn't seem to care.  I reluctantly removed my gloves and stood off to the side chattering my teeth the rest of class.  Yeah, it was seriously that cold in the unheated, uninsolated room that received NO direct sunlight, all the while snow falling outside.  At the end of class, the homeroom teacher marched back up to me.  Crap I was scared to hear what was next. She's burly for a Japanese woman...  She points at me and tells the English teacher to tell me that she's sorry.  I knew exactly what she was saying, but I still pretended not to.  The odd thing was, the whole time she had a proud smile on her face.  Yeah, sorry my ass.  Afterwards, the student teacher (who used to teach English) came up and tried to explain how Japanese Bushido (she seriously said Bushido...the code of samurai) states that students shouldn't be allowed to wear items in class that could distract them from their training.  I didn't come to Japan to become a samurai.  I asked, "isn't it dangerous to require students to sit in these freezing cold rooms without any source of heat?"  She just shrugged her shoulders.  It's not surprised that so many kids are sick every day.

I dragged my frigid self back to the only truly heated room in the school, the teacher's room.  Once inside, the English teacher told me that the principal wanted to see me.  Oh YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.
Rolling my eyes, I shuffled my frozen ass into his office.  He had me sit down on his warm leather sofa, right beneath his heater before preceeding to tell me why I had to spend my day freezing my ass off in the other room.  Apparently I'm no different than the kids and if they can't wear those things than neither can I.  I about lost it.  I looked at the English teacher and said, 1) the kids dont have to stay in that freezing room for longer than 50 minutes, we're in there for the entire day (their classrooms are heated).  2) I don't have health insurance, if I get sick I can't go to the doctor which means I can't work, which means I don't get paid.  3) I'm from the desert, I'm totally unaccostume to such frigid conditions (ESPECIALLY INSIDE A DAMN BUILDING!). 

She translated and he pretended to ponder before again telling me that none of those reasons are valid...WHAT!?! Is he lacking common sense?  My jaw about fell to the floor as my eyes began to well-up and I just stared in utter disbelief.  What was this? Communist Russia?  I'm in one of the most technologically advanced countries in the world and I'm being told I have to freeze my ass off all day for a mere 100 bucks?  HELL NO.  And as if to pour salt on the wound he says, "Please take care of your health."  I just looked at him and said, "That's just it.  I'm trying, but if I can't get warm, I'm going to sick and then what do I do?"  I don't know what changed at that point (I'm guessing it was the direct expression of emotion), but he paused for a moment before suggesting that we do the rest of the lessons in the student's classrooms.  Apparently, the building that we were teaching in is the ONLY building in the school that is NOT heated... Needless to say, I couldn't be more thankful that I will only have to return to that school 3 more times.  GAH!

Then Wednesday came -

Wednesday - I was still pissed from Tuesday and spent most of my day cleaning the damn lint off my tatami floor (It's horrible, you'd think I owned 10 rabbits with all the dang fluff building up on the floor).

Thursday - Junior high school.  This wasn't bad, just spent the day with the 1st year students.  They're pretty cute, albeit a little on the slow side, which sort of makes them even cuter.  The teacher was passing back their tests.  Most of the class failed (below 50), all the teacher said was, "practice harder." Hmm, okay, they apparently don't understand, how is studying at home, alone, going to help them?  I have to admit it was kind of interesting to see who got what score and how they responded.  One girl got a 99 and broke into tears, while another girl got a 16 and was showing it to everyone in the classroom.  Strange....so strange.

OH! And then there was my sentaku class, which kicks major butt.  There are only 4 girls in that class and the rest are boys who are sharper than knives.  I've been having them change phrases of sentences around, but leaving the verb in place.  There's one particular boy in this class, Mi-chan, who I have labelled Space Cadet Kazuki.  He cannot focus to save his life.  He has the biggest personality of any student I have ever taught which is why I LOVE HIM!  It's also why everyone else picks on him so much.  The sentence for the day was, "Jeffery was sent to live with his Aunt Dot and Uncle Dan in Pennsylvania."  Subject Verb Prepositional Phrase.  The sentences I got back were:

1. Kazuki's brain was sent to space.
2. Kazuki and his dog were sent to live in a kennel in Tibiti-sensei's backyard.
3. Kazuki was sent to live with Mrs. Jones in America. AHHHHH!!!! DEAR GOD, HELP ME!
4. Kazuki was sent to Papua New Guinea. 

AHH!! Amazing.  I wrote some of them up on the board.  Of course one kid looks at them and goes, "Those aren't correct, you said we could only change two phrases, but they changed all of them." OH for crying out loud, grow a sense of humor kid. 


Friday - I used to think that I really didn't like the 3rd year English teacher, but I'm starting to love him.  Every time I am scheduled to spend the entire day with him, he takes a "holiday."  HECK YEAH!  I spent much of the day just grading the second year's tests (they had to create dialogue to match a picture - here are some of my favs).

Mr. White - bery hot why day?
Mrs. White - I think sun.
Mr. White - Oh reary?
Mrs. White - yes

Mr. White - you look hot
Mrs. White - you look strong
Mr. White - you look hard
Mrs. White - Shall we go home?
Mr. White - Yes, Let's.

Oh, brilliant!

Then the end of the day came and during cleaning time I suddenly heard what sounded like show tunes coming out of the woodshop class.  I peak inside and this kid is dancing around the room while singing what sounds like "Hello my Baby, Hello my honey, Hello my ragtime gal."  It was hilarious.  He wraps up the song with a spin and comes down to his knees and throws his arms open RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!  It was like something out of a movie.  He about DIED!  His face went bright red and he just goes, "Hello, Jones-sensei. How are you?" and walks away. 

Gosh, I LOVEEEEE Fridays! 

What the hell is going on here?

As the months go by, I find myself slowly becoming less fascinated and more bothered by the things that are going on around me.  It's been over 6 months and the enjoyment of riding the train to work, riding my bike around town, teaching English, working in a Japanese school has started to fade.

Work is becoming less exciting and more and more bizarre.  The students, especially 2nd year students, have really been coming out of their shell.  The behavior is unlike anything I've ever seen before.  I'm not going to say that it's only something you'd see in Japan, but it's not something I ever saw back home (THANK GOD, or I would have quit a long time ago). 

About a month ago, a 2nd year boy (who just the day before I was taking straws away from and blocking his path to the straw container) decided it'd be a good idea to try and hit his homeroom teacher.  During lunch, the boy had piled food up on his plate.  The teacher then told him to put it back so the rest of the class could eat and the boy then tried to swing...which wasn't smart, because his homeroom teacher is probably the strongest teacher at the school.  However, the rest of the boys started calling this boy a hero.  From that point, it seems as though everyone is on edge.  I've seen teachers grabbing kids by the neck and shaking them because they aren't sitting straight up in their chairs.  I've seen teachers screaming in the faces of students, backing them into the hallway, and then into an empty classroom followed by the sound of chairs and tables being knocked over.  I've seen male students shoving and slapping at a female teacher (who wasn't too smart herself as she kept trying to grab him by the arm while screaming at him). 

But nothing beats watching a male student spend 10 minutes throwing soap at a window and sliding it up and down the hall while laughing to himself.  Not a single teacher went to see what was going on.  When I went out to see if everything was all right I see one of the crazier students (this is the same boy who got backed into a classroom by another teacher).  As I entered the hallway, he started dancing around me and laughing and asking me if I saw the soap.  I ignored him, picked the soap up and went to put it back by the sink.  When I looked back at him he was just standing there grinning.  I asked him if he was alright and he just stopped and starred at me.  I asked him again and he just walked back into the classroom.  5 minutes later he was back out in the hallway throwing soap at the windows again.  As soon as he saw me he went back to class.  I picked up the soap and went to hand it to him, but he slammed the door in my face, so I went to the other door and handed it to the teacher and told the teacher it was the student's.  I've seen students strangling other students, students strangling themselves (a kid was turning blue in class), a student spend all of class sitting on another student and not a single teacher stop anything.  I'm not sure what I was expecting the teacher to do with the soap.  I asked the English teacher about it and she said that some of the students are so crazy that there is nothing any of the teachers will do because they're afraid. 

You've got to be kidding.  These aren't juvenile deliquents we're dealing with.  These are normal kids who need guidance, understanding, and someone to talk to.  The other day, another one of the "crazy" students just up and left in the middle of class (the teacher said he couldn't stand around and talk to his friend).  I followed him out and just stood and watched him as he tried to poke things through the door of another classroom.  He saw me and said to go back.  I ignored him of course and just walked closer.  The teacher in that classroom was just standing at the front of the room.  About 3 boys were standing at the back trying to take what was being shoved through the door.  I looked at the boys and just starred.  I have to admit that sometimes it's good that we can't communicate.  I can just stare and the kids don't know what to say, so they usually stop.  The boys grumbled and I just asked, "Why?"  The boy started walking back to class and said something about being free.  I joked that he had too much free time because he wasn't studying.  He walked back into class and as soon as everyone saw me behind him the kids were shocked.  It turns out this is the same thing the other female teacher was trying to do when he walked out of her class.  He didn't comment but just went and sat down.  I walked over and helped him with his worksheet.  At first he didn't write anything and just kept saying, I'll remember.  YEAH RIGHT.  Finally, he got out his pencil and wrote a few sentences.  It wasn't much and I'm sure he doesn't remember any of it, but I'll bet he remembers what I did to get him back in class. 

On top of a rather odd week of classes, a teacher at our school suddenly passed away last night.  This was announced during our morning meeting.  After 30 or so seconds of silence, everyone went on business as usual.  There was no mention of a counselor for anyone to talk to and no one has even mentioned what happened.  I didn't really know him, but knowing that someone I saw everyday just suddenly died has left me in shock.  He was a very kind man who taught the special needs students. He always tried talking to me, even though he knew my Japanese was limited.  The teacher next to me is the only other special education teacher, who is now left to do the work of two people.  All day today he has been walking around looking dazed (probably the same way I look).  I asked if he was ok and he just gave me a thumbs up and a really weak smile and went to go teach.  I don't understand how they do it.  How do people survive like this?  I barely knew the man, but gosh what I wouldn't give just to be able to talk to someone about it.  Sitting here keeping these feelings inside is killing me.  Back home, the school would have called in a counselor, the principal would have set aside time to talk to people, people would look as though someone just passed away...I don't understand.


Never in my life have I felt so overwhelmed.  Watching students being verbally and sometimes physically abused by the people who are supposed to help and nurture them is dreadful.  I know that this happens in America, and probably almost all other countries, but I have been lucky enough to never have seen it.  Teaching, in most Western countries, is about touching the lives of children.  Helping them not only learn, but to grow into good people.  What is teaching in Japan?  Why do people become teachers?  None of the teachers seem like "bad" people (aside from being overly critical and hot-tempered). So why can't they recognize that these kids need help?  Homeroom teachers spend countless hours meeting with students about their future, calling home, and even being the first ones called if a student gets in trouble outside of school.  So, why are there still kids slipping through the cracks?  Is it that they feel like they can't do anything?  From what I've heard from other people it's because there is a resistance to change here.  But at what cost?  What will happen to these kids who spend most of their time bullying other students or wandering the hallways?  Again, I know this happens in America, it's common for teachers to lose hope for students or to ignore bad behavior (as that is the easier route).  But in America I felt like I was still able to push on, even when other teachers stopped.   This is truly the first time, that I have felt absolutely helpless.

Getting settled

Gosh, how time flies. It's almost been a month since my last blog :-| Actually, it's almost been a month since I started writing this post. But I guess that's what happens when you find yourself working 6:30 -10 almost every night of the week. Since my move to my new apartment, there have been quite a few changes to my life and lifestyle:

1. I now live smack dab between two stations making things both MORE and LESS convenient. In one sense I'm a short bike ride to a large station. On the other hand, I'm a short bike ride and quick jog to the train I take to work. Before I was a quick walk to most places, now I'm a quick bike ride. Needless to say my thighs and a$$ are much firmer than before I moved (DEFINITELY A PLUS).

2. I joined a gym. The gym is a lot like the Lifetime back home. The cost is about 79 bucks a month (a little ridiculous), BUT it's located right next to a major station which gives me FREEEE BIKE PARKING!! Which is easily worth 30 bucks a month. Meaning that I pay about 50 bucks a month, not tooo shabby. I'll have to try and write more about the gym later.

3. My schedule has become extremely hectic.  I wake around 6, start my commute around 6:30, work from 8-5, head to a private lesson, get to the gym around 9, get home around 10:30 and eat, then sleep and start over.  This is pretty much my schedule M-F and Sundays.  It's dang tiring and the days have quickly blurred.

4.  Money seems to be falling out of my pockets at an extremely rapid pace.  So I bring in an extra 400+/month in private lessons...but it just doesn't seem to make it to the bank. 

5.  I've started spending time with my new roommate, who is a lively (and lovely) British girl.  She's been kind enough to introduce me to her friends and even let me hang out with her on the weekends.  However, most of the time is spent dishing out large sums of money for food and drink (30 bucks for two drinks and one meal last week alone).  I don't know what would happen if I actually stayed out with them the entire night.  See, most of her Saturdays are spent drinking and karaok'ing all night with friends.  They keep insisting that once you do it, it becomes easier, but to me that sounds like those old drug commercials that used to be on tv as a kid.  I've yet to try it, mostly because I fear that they're right and it WOULD become easier.

6. I've taken up Japanese cooking.  For my b-day my roommate bought me an English/Japanese cookbook.  It has to be one of the nicest presents anyone has ever bought for me.  But I think it's because she caught me putting sticky notes in her's.  Yeah, I know, I'm not the best roommate.  Now, instead of sleeping at 10pm Monday nights (only free night I have), you'll find me preping and cooking a variety of Japanese dishes.  So far, no one has died during the consumption of said dishes.  I do find that Japanese cooking is way to time consuming, taking multiple hours to cook just one meal.  But it was either learn to cook using Japanese ingredients or keep eating miso soup, rice and eggs.  Sad, so sad.

7. I've become more focused on learning Japanese.  My roommate is currently studying to take the level 2 Japanese Language Proficiency test, which has motivated me to focus on preparing to take the level 4 test (level 4 is the lowest).  This basically sucks up whatever other free time I have available.  Train rides, work breaks, freetime at home, and sometimes (shhh...don't tell anyone), sometimes I even study while I'm "assisting" the other English teachers (shows you just how much I really do at work).

Needless to say, life is starting to really fly by. I honestly can't keep up with it and have attempted to make a schedule.  At some point I'll find time to blog about it and maybe post a picture, but until then I'll just have to focus on getting by.

Goodbye

I have lived in Japan for a whole five months and I'm now on my second move. I really love my current apartment. It's dirt cheap, conveniently located 6 minutes (I once sprinted it in 2 minutes) from the train station, and BIG (60 square meters, which is big by Japanese standards). Here is your first and sadly last look at my 1st Japanese apartment.  Goodbye my love, I will miss you:


Goodbye my furnitureless livingroom with view of a giant machine and small patch of wild growth of a "backyard:"



Goodbye my coveted 6-tatami mat room with wall-to-wall, floor-to-ceiling closet space:



Goodbye neighbors - I'll miss trying to block your view of me changing while still keeping the blinds open so I could see what I was doing every morning. I'll miss listening to you laugh hysterically at the tv until 12am or ease dropping in on your family conversations.  Oh and I can't forget, I'll miss listening to you in the shower.  Oh the fond memories we've shared:




Goodbye my DK (dine-in kitchen) that is so awkwardly shaped I never could figure out how to fit a table in you. But sadly, I won't miss your propane burners that would never light without practically catching my hair on fire.  I'll be much safer away from you:



Goodbye bathroom/laundry room, I'll miss listening to the old man next store have a coronary every time I got dressed in the morning:



Goodbye shower room...I won't miss scrubbing the daily accumulation of mold off your white tile walls, sorry :(





Goodbye entry way! I'll never forget how diligently you worked to keep out the stench of garbage bags awaiting garbage day! My nose is eternally grateful:



Goodbye toilet room.  You did your duty well of course except for the time you broke and left us toiletless for two days...




Goodbye :'(

What's different here? Part 1 - Grocery stores

Okay, so I thought that maybe I could write a short (not so short) blog about what's different in Japan versus America. Or at least the small part of America I called home, Arizona.


The first thing that sticks out is something I really took for granted back home, grocery shopping. I'll admit that it took me awhile to even find a grocery store since most places are tucked away in small alleys and side streets. The only grocery chains that I've seen along larger roads are Belc or Saty's. On the smaller scale, I've found a Roger's, Food Garden, and an independent store whose kanji I can't read :-|. You'll also find smaller mom and pop style stands selling mostly locally grown veggies.  There's actually a guy who farms a large variety of fruits and veggies on about 1/2 an acre of land in the middle of my city.


I'd compare Saty to Walmart (not exactly), but it's both a department store and grocery store and has some really low prices on most of their goods.  By goods, I don't include food, food isn't cheap anywhere. Some Satys are set-up like malls that'd you'd find back home. The one near my house isn't quite so grand.  What can I say, I live in a small town.  My Saty DOES have a movie theatre that is always playing foreign films.  It's owned by WB, so the selection isn't too bad. I've thought about going, but when you figure that a movie in Japan runs about $18, you quickly decide it's much better to take the risk and download it for free...orrrrr I guess you can wait until it comes out on video with horrible Japanese dubbing :-| I watched a dubbed version of Ugly Betty and SWORE someone had changed the tv to Telemundo because it sounded just like a Spanish soap.

Anyways, the other stores are predominately grocers. Belc is a large chain like Albertson's. They're the largest grocery store I've found around here and have the best variety at some of the cheapest prices. Roger's is like a smaller version of Saty and in some cases cheaper. I've found that the Food Garden has an okay selection, but the prices tend to run much higher than the other stores. Finally, the place whose name I don't know, they are by far and away the cheapest but also the smallest, with a very limited selection.  They're also open odd hours- open late, close early --it was two months before I realized they were actually open for business and not just another run down building.

So what makes grocery shopping such an adventure in Japan? Well, obviously the difference in selection plays a huge factor in my shopping adventures. Not knowing what most of the food is, is just part of the "fun".  I once bought something called "ika steak" for 100 yen (about 1 buck). Thought, WOW that's cheap fish! Well, it's also disgusting and not worth 100 yen (ika is squid). Then there was the stuff that looked like kimchi, but far from tasted like it. Or the rolls that looked like pretzels...but tasted like brown turds. I've definitely wasted much of my funds haphazardly exploring my way through the selection at my local grocer. This includes a far more embarrassing hobby I've developed which includes spending much of my funds  exploring Japanese sweets. Apple cider Kitkat anyone? Or how about my personal favorite sports drink flavor (Pocari Sweat).  Don't be fooled, it tastes more like the "pretzels" than a sports drink. Japan, of course, lives up to its reputation of taking things from other countries and "improving" them. Not only does Japan have it's ho hos (haven't found Twinkies yet, but I'm sure they have something damn close in shape and consistency) but they also have just about anything else you could imagine could be made from sugar. With a whole aisle dedicated to imported chocolates, another section for candies in the shape of cartoon characters, and even a section of nothing but varieties of gummies, there isn't anything you can't find in the candy aisle.

(my personal favorite is pure)


Of course, I can't leave out the huge section of the bakery dedicated to "bread" filled with, well anything they can fill it with. In fact, the non-filled breads take up a 2x4 section of shelf, the rest being filled, dipped, dyed, and stuffed with something.


　

（I don't even know what this is other than delicious)


　


（Another personal favorite - Curry Bread).  Now that I think about it, I could probably write a whole blog dedicated to Japanese breads, which is funny because I never used to really like sweets or bread much.  Maybe I should do some field research first, that way I can give a more educated evaluation of them. :) Hmm, I also better hit the pool more often.

Gah! Distractions!!! Another glimpse at just how grocery shopping in Japan is challenging (it's the ultimate test of self-control :-|).

In the last five months here, I've made some fantastic discoveries. In some cases, I've found foods that looked inedible, but turned out to be quite delicious and according to my roommate, good for my "feminine beauty", whatever that means. And foods that looked delicious, smelled delicious, and tasted like doo doo. Over all, I'd say that Japanese people are like garbage disposals eating just about anything that can be chewed. This is probably a good thing on the grander scale, but makes finding things to cook for dinner a rather dangerous and scary prospect. On the upside, Japan pretty much has all the same foods we have back home (lots of Kellogg brand logos on the shelves) but they tend to come in different shapes, sizes, and prices that I can't afford.

For example, most fruit in Japan is ridiculously expensive. $1/apple, grapefruit, $2 for 4 bananas, $10 - $18 for a watermelon.  From what I've seen, the most expensive are grapes or cherries at around $6 - $8 for one bunch (berries are about the same cost as back home). On the other hand, vegetables are dirt cheap (usually less than $1 for all bundles of veggies). Meat is also relatively inexpensive here.  Salmon runs about $1 a serving and chicken and beef are about the same price as back home.

What really sets these foods apart though is quality. Japanese people are extremely picky about what they do and don't sell. If it doesn't look perfect, they toss it. According to the locals, fruit is so expensive because they only sell the best looking and perfectly shaped fruit (seeing that most fruit is easily bruised, this leaves little to be sold). To be honest, this is the lamest thing I've heard and in today's world just seems extremely wasteful. There are some stores (like the small, but cheap store near my house) that sell only the misshapen fruit and veggies, leading to better savings because few people are willing to buy them.  While this mentality is rather crappy for fruit, it means that the meat selection is much leaner and fresher than what you'd find in America. The meat is pre-cut into thin, 1/2 centimeter slices and usually only the best cuts. While it looks great, I can't tell you how it tastes, because I haven't actually bought any yet.  The meat I've had dining out goes above and beyond what you'd find back home (I might actually like steak).

Cost-wise something is always on sale, but being Japan, they take it a step farther than just a sale. Since the perishables are switched out on a daily basis, every store will heavily discount foods after 7pm in an attempt to empty the shelves. Okay, maybe not heavily! But if you wander the stores you'll notice little red and yellow stickers with funny kanji on them (of course they all look funny when you don't know what they are). These stickers will show a number and then the kanji for...honestly, I don't know what the second kanji is either... But I do know that it means that you can take that percentage off of the price (usually 10 - 30%). Of course it's not a lot, but it adds up if you look around carefully enough. The hardest part is timing.  If you get there too early they're still putting the stickers out. If you get there too late everything's gone. Japan isn't as consumer friendly as America and it's not uncommon to find empty shelves or displays in Japanese grocery stores (or false adverts for items, but that's a whole other blog).

On top of these nightly discounts, there are weekly clearance items. Most stores have a set cycle for what's on sale throughout the week. Monday might be fruit, Tuesday veggies, Wednesday fish, etc. During these days you might find things up to 50% off their normal price. This is fantastic if you can keep track of what, when, and where for all the different stores (which I haven't made any attempt to do). I did once walk into a Belc on a Wednesday and find that 1/2 the veggies, fruit and fish were marked at 99 yen. CRAP YEAH! Jackpot! This of course led me to buying WAY more than I could carry on my tiny bike with no basket (which I will someday take a picture of). I ran into a few walls, pedestrians, almost a police man (he fortunately saw my oversized load and my inability to control it and jumped out of the way), and at one point I even rolled into oncoming traffic as I couldn't hold my hand breaks and bags at the same time.  All in my attempt to get my cheap eats home :) Oh the temptations of living in Japan.  Someday they might just get me killed, or land me in the hospital.  Which reminds me, I need to go pick out an insurance provider.

Bars/Clubs in Tokyo

Okay, I can't profess to be any sort of expert on this because I really don't spend much time, if any, at bars/clubs in Tokyo. I however find myself going more and more (as this seems to be the most popular social activity) and would like to write about what I've noticed so far.

First of all, Japan has an extraordinary night life.  Just about every city is overrun by bars or "clubs".  Most local areas have dozens of Izakaya (居酒屋) or local bars, similar to places back home. Izakaya serve bar food and beer and are usually filled with the usual suspects (old men, salarymen and maybe the local gaijin looking to practice their Japanese). I've never actually gone into an Izakaya. Not because I haven't tried, but because no one will let me.  Every time I ask my friends steer me away.  I'm starting to think that if I go in, I'm going to get molested by the locals or something. I've heard stories, and to be honest, it doesn't seem like anything spectacular unless I'm looking to pick-up crude Japanese. **Update: Some of these places are pretty cool, have great food, and interesting drink selections.  I still wouldn't spend more time there than I had to though.**

The other type of bar is often referred to as a "club", a hostess club.   Most of these places are located near the closest train station. They charge you a ridiculous cover charge ($50+/hour) to sit and drink with pretty Japanese women. Yes, that's all you do. Okay, some places have karaoke and maybe sometimes the girls will "dance," but if you've seen Japanese girls dance.  Well let's just say my 7 year old nephew could probably dance better and sexier than these girls. And no, I don't find my nephew sexy.  Upon entering, you sit while women dressed like they're on their way to prom (only with more clothes on) pour you drinks and talk to you like you're a 5 year old. Okay, to their credit, some big name places, that cater to a more professional clientele, require the hostesses to read various newspapers so that they can have more intelligent conversation.  But seriously, you're paying someone to talk to you. These women make money by getting you to buy more alcohol. I say, save yourself the money and watch this fascinating documentary on host clubs instead (the male equivalent of a hostess club):


Japan also has clubs/bars that are similar to ones you would find overseas. Which brings me to the real point of this blog: My Saturday night at "Tokyo's Premier Australian Bar". Hmm, something says, I doubt this, but okay.

Let me preface this by saying, I do NOT spend my weekends at bars. The only reason I ended up at this place was because a fellow English teacher had rented the bar for a couple of hours to host a party. The bar was located right off the main strip in Roppongi (actually on the 3rd floor of a building tucked away on a sidestreet). I actually couldn't find it, so Joe had to come get me and walk me there. It seems that most bars allow independent parties to rent them out before 10pm as a way to bring in more cash.  Apparently people in Roppongi don't start drinking until well after 10pm - actually, one of the bar tenders told me the place doesn't get going until 3am when it turns into a night club....3am? Seriously?

Even though he's a coworker, Joe still made me pay to get inside.  Once inside I found 10 people sitting at a large table talking in Japanese. I immediately turned around and went back outside and talked to Joe in English. Joe has mastered Japanese (passed the highest Japanese proficiency test) and is currently working on Chinese and thus surrounding himself with Chinese people. One of his Chinese language partners was standing around listening in, when he suddenly goes, "I know who you look like," in not so proper English.
"Me?" I say rather unamused since I've been told a thousand times that I look just like someone's ________(aunt, sister, best friend...you name it).
"Yeah, you look just like Fergie."
"Fergie? Like Black Eyed Peas Fergie?" Well dang, that's a new one. Maybe she's the only foreign brunette that he knows because no white person, ever in a million years, would confuse me for Fergie.
"Yeah, Fergie!" The rest of the night he kept calling me Fergie.  Is this flattering? I guess it could be, but strange nonetheless.

Almost right on cue a black guy (okay, it was rather at random) steps out of the elevator with another English teacher that we work with. Yeah people who speak ENGLISH! Feeling more comfortable, I went back inside and ordered a drink (entrance price included 2 drinks) and sat with everyone else. Not feeling confident in speaking Japanese, I turned to the black man assuming he must speak English (just about every foreigner in Japan speaks some form of English). We chatted and I learned that he was a cellphone network designer from Zimbabwe. His company and the Japanese government paid him (two salaries) to take a 4 month course in Tokyo (they also set him up in a posh hotel in the middle of the city). Crap, where do I find a job like that?  **Update: It seems those jobs abound in Tokyo**  After 20 minutes or so, a large group of Japanese men came in. The ratio was now 16 guys to 8 girls, a 2 for 1 deal!

Our table had grown in size, as everyone who came in had pulled up a chair. Feeling more nervous with the ever growing crowd, I went back to the bar for my second drink. I ordered a margarita.  Simple enough, right? Not in Japan. The bar tender (and I mean no offense to her, she was actually really cool), had to look up the ingredients for a margarita, then spent 10 minutes taking out the blender and putting it together.  I guess blended drinks aren't all that common here. What came out of it, didn't taste anything like a margarita. Well down the hatch!

Feeling much more relaxed, I started joking around with Dan (the other English teacher who is by far one of the quirkiest, socially awkward people I've ever met). Somehow we started talking about my arms and why I had so much muscle. This led to a discussion on yoga and then a group request to show a yoga pose. Feeling quite uninhibited, I quickly obliged by doing this pose while balancing on the arms of the lounge chair. I guess a foreign girl doing yoga in a bar is a Japanese mating call because immediately after I dropped back into my seat, two Japanese guys came over to let me know just how "sexy" that was. Um, thank you? For the next ten minutes I got an earful of how flexible and amazing it is that I can do that, how smart and well paid they are, and then a request to teach private swimming lessons.  WHAT!? gah, no! And I thought Japanese men were afraid of white girls.  Another Chinese guy, seeing me talk to other Asians, decided that this was his cue to strike up a conversation about swimming using his iTouch (it seems his spoken English isn't that great). This lead to another Japanese guy coming over to talk about "swimming," and my "other hobbies"...which I can only assume was a double entendre. Could the night get any stranger? Why, of course it could!

Maybe Dan felt neglected, but suddenly he started to flex his muscles.  Not in the figurative sense...he literally started flexing his arms. Joking that he was so tiny, he challenged me to an arm wrestling match. Joe's girlfriend, having served in the Canadian armed forces literally jumps up to clear the table. In her excitement, she breaks a glass over my legs. Fortunately for me, my legs were safe; which is amazing seeing how accident prone I am. Unfortunately, for Dan, so were my arms. 10 minutes later, I had wiped the floor with him. Having established myself as clearly the most dominant person in the bar I felt this might be a good time to make my exit. It was nearly 11pm and I had to catch the last train home. Saying my goodbyes, I hurried for the station. As I approached the station, I realized that despite having talked to a dozen or so people.  I hadn't learned a single person's name. My social skills are clearly lacking.

Living without

After being here for 4 months...or at least it was four months when I started writing this blog...I've gotten a little distracted lately, I have found myself falling into a daily routine. Here are just some of things that I have gotten used to doing:

1) Sorting garbage - Japan is one of the few countries that burns its trash. Because of this, all garbage has to be sorted into burnable and not burnable. Burnable garbage gets picked up 2x's a week and then the non-burnable stuff gets picked up once a week. They also have a day for "other" items (e.g. clothes, old household appliances/goods, newspapers, bottles, and cans). All trash is wrapped in small, clear garbage bags and left in designated spots along the street. I have to admit that I know when to throw out the burnable and nonburnable, but am still at a loss for when to throw out "other" garbage. I asked my roommate and she said, "There are posters all over town, just read them".  However, all those posters are also located in the path of oncoming traffic making it rather dangerous for me to stand there and try to read them.

2) Stray cats and crows - I don't know how this happened, maybe I should ask someone someday, but Japan is OVERRUN by crows and stray cats.  Nothing is more annoying than being awoken at 3am to the sound of two cats fighting. Or being woken up at 6am to the sound of a hungry crow cawing on the fence. In some places, the crow population has gotten so out of hand that they have actually attacked people.  Maybe Alfred Hitchcock wasn't too far off. I recently asked someone why they don't just use the stray cats to kill the crows. Sounds like a good enough plan.  I mean to be honest I think I'd rather have the stray cats (who all run in terror at the sight of humans) to the man eating crows. But the other day, while waiting for the train, I found out why this wouldn't work.  Someday I'll get my camera to work and upload the photos that I took.  The crows are the same size as the cats here and a hell of a lot more aggressive. For about 10 minutes, I watched as a crow chased a cat around the train platform, pecking at the cat, until the cat finally ran off under a fence.  I was both in awe and disturbed by the thought that the crow was larger and more aggressive than the cat.

3) Stealing internet from my neighbor's wifi connection and still downloading at speeds of 1.0 MB. To think that I just downloaded 699 mb in under 20 minutes is phenomenal (the average download speed was 800kb/sec). And this is a wifi signal from a neighbor 25 meters away. Unbelievable, though not surprising as Japan has some of the best internet capabilities in the world (8-30 times faster than in America) and at some of the cheapest prices (full service runs around $30/month).  But since my roommate refuses to get internet (which I can't do without a Japanese person there to say I will pay my bill), I will continue to steal my neighbor's.

4) "Oh, I see" and "right/ isn't it?" While I haven't picked up on speaking Japanese, yet, I have started incorporating English versions of Japanese phrases into my conversations. It's as strange as it sounds. Japanese use a word "naruhodo," when they understand what someone is trying to say.  It pretty much means, "Oh, I see."  They also throw in "ne" at the end of many of their sentences to illicit agreement from the listening party. While I don't toss these in at the end of my English sentences, I have started using their English equivalents...OFTEN. I'd like to think that this is a positive first step towards actually speaking Japanese.  **Update: Eventually I did start using the Japanese words in my English conversations.**

5) Bowing and saying, "sumimasen." Sumimasen means excuse me or thank you.  Meaning it's used ALL the time. In fact, I don't think that Japanese people really mean it, as much as they're just trained to use it. Nonetheless, I find myself bowing and saying sumimasen every time I ask someone for something, bump into someone, look at someone the wrong way, cross paths in front of someone, or when someone has done something for me (even something ridiculously trivial). I'm a little disturbed by how quickly I picked up on bowing and apologizing as it's completely un-American. But, if it keeps the peace, then so be it.

6) Sleeping on a futon. So I couldn't quite get used to sleeping on one futon, but 3 I can handle. A Japanese futon is really just a thin, maybe 5-6cm thick, mattress that lies on the floor. They're very firm and to be honest kind of a waste of space. One mattress is usually so thin that it's no better than just sleeping on a blanket on the floor. Thus, the reason why I have 3.  **Update: I eventually upgraded to sleeping on a mattress on the floor which turned out to be some of the best sleep I've ever gotten.**

7) No air conditioning. Most places do NOT have central AC. Stores and trains do, but that's about where it ends. In Japanese houses, AC units are wall units. This means that every room that you want AC in requires a separate wall unit. These units run around $400, so you can imagine how expensive this could get if say you wanted one in the bedrooms, living room, and kitchen.   Although you have to purchase separate units that look ungodly sticking out of the wall, that does mean you can also run them separately, saving you loads of money in the long run. 

8) Utilities are cheaper than DIRT! My water bills comes every two months and even though my roommate takes a 30min shower every day, the bill is only $39! My electric bill comes once a month and runs about $18 and the gas runs about $24 (all stoves and water heaters run on gas). Beautiful! Although, what they don't charge in utilities they more than make up for in initial rent fees (4 - 5 months due up front).

9) Kombini's...Like America convenience stores are EVERYWHERE, though I never really used them outside of really long road trips. But here, where I'm always walking, kombini's are truly convenient.  I often find myself wandering into one on my way home, after a long day.  It's really a bad idea! One kg later, I'm now planning my route home AROUND kombini's.



On the other hand, there are plenty of things that I haven't gotten used to:

1) Sweating, always.  In the two months of summer, I've used more deodorant than I probably used in a year back home. I turn my head and sweat starts pouring down my shirt. The annoying thing is that it's not even HOT here (compared to Arizona), it's the damn humidity! Horrible.  Just once I'd like to go somewhere without looking like I walked through a rainshower.

2) Cockroaches the size of small birds. These things are everywhere. I was wondering through an expensive part of Tokyo, and just sitting on this post outside of a high class hotel was a giant cockroach. Japan is full of creepy crawlies and since most places leave their windows open, these creepy crawlies frequently find their way inside.

3) Earthquakes.  Most people don't seem to notice, while I on the other hand find myself constantly frozen in fear always.

I'm sure there are more things that I'll think of when I come across them, but this is all you get for now :) After 4 months here, I've definitely come to see a different picture of what Japan and Japanese people are like. I still love it here and have met some wonderful people, but now see a slightly bigger picture. I can't really say if it's good or bad, but it's certainly different than what I expected (granted, some things are exactly how I expected).

My butt is numb....

So, no internet at home still. Whoever I've been stealing it from either figured out how to block it, died, or is on a very long vacation. The next best thing, in Japan is going to an internet Cafe. Since I couldn't find one near my house, I traveled to Takadanobaba (funny name for a city, right). The place it called Cybernet Bagus (I don't have any idea what Bagus is). For 420 yen (about $4.20) I have unlimited use of the facilities for 1 hour. What does this unlimited use entail you ask?

When you first come in, you're greeted by two workers dressed in tuxedo shirts, ties, suspenders, and trousers (yeah really). Off to the left is a wall full of every imaginable magazine. First you have to select a room: the type of chair you would like, smoking/non-smoking, and whether or not you would like to include the use of the shower facilities in your charges. Then you are given a ticket and room number. The hallway leading to the computer cubicles is lined with free items. On the left is multiple vending machines selling everything from frappuccinos, junk food, soup, and soda. There is also a small room with a soft serve ice cream machine, juice, and microwave. On the right side is a bookshelf that extends for about 20 feet containing nothing but manga (comic books). The use of these items is all included in the cost of admission.

The rooms are like small cubicles. 6 foot walls, a door, a chair, and a padded floor (in case you'd like to take a nap). The computer screen functions as a tv/DVD player. There are movie channels that you can select from and DVDs that you can rent for an additional price. Basically all the comforts of home in a 3 by 6 room.

I guess many Japanese young people now use these facilities as their home. 24-hour use is cheaper than an apartment, meaning that many of these people only have to work part-time jobs to survive. Many adults have become concerned that the present generation is too unmotivated and I can definitely see why.  As I type this, I can hear the people on both sides snoring (it's 9am). While the place is nice, I can't actually imagine living in here. It's dark, small, and smells an awful lot like BO with horrible elevator music playing in the background.

I'd write more, but my time here is almost up.  Next time I'll try to actually write something of substance.

What I did over summer vacation

So I havent had internet in two weeks, my roommate is on the move, and I wont get paid for the month of August (which is okay, since I dont work in the month of August). So what will I do for summer vacation!!! Well...

1) So plan A, find a roommate that wants to live in the equivalent of BFE. I have no furniture, no internet, and no tv. Something tells me that this will be more than difficult. Plan B, find someone nearby who is looking for a roommate to share their house with. This has been the easiest as I have already found one. The rent isnt much different and the location is just one town over. Im meeting her on Friday...so, we'll see. Plan C, if all else fails I move into a guesthouse in Tokyo. This makes for some LONG transportation hours and resembles dorm living. It does allow me easy access to people, so I'm not quite so lonely as I am in BFE.

2) Find a second job. In the current economy this is turning out to be more difficult than I had thought. I have thrown out my resume for all the world to see and now have to sit and wait as I find out whether or not I will be hired for the one spot that 150 other people have applied for....damn.

3) Make friends. I would like to meet one to two new person a week. This should be rather interesting...maybe I will write about it. Of course, not at the expense of someone's privacy. ..hmm, Ill figure something out.

4) Swim. This may be more difficult than I originally thought seeing as everyone and their mother thinks theyre a pro around here. I went swimming Saturday and shared a lane with 10 other adults and an endless number of elementary school kids...who were LITERALLY falling from the sky. I ended up bruised and royally ticked-off...My patience for swimming over and under little tadpoles is practically nil...especially when they kept kicking me in the legs.

5) Study Japanese...yeah, Im working on this slowly.

Okay, so this is really boring. But I'm poor...what else can I do?

On a possibly more interesting note...what does the typical Japanese student do during summer vacation? Well, one of the students so kindly made me a poster (yes, seriously it's about 2x3) of his summer break schedule.

6:00 Wake up (yeah, seriously...another kid said he wakes up at 4am to run...ummmm, well that explains a lot)
6:10 Eat breakfast
6:30 Practice soccer with friends (for fun)
8:00 Return home
8:30 School Club Practice (soccer)
12:00 Finish
12:35 Shower
1:30 Juku (cram school)
6:30 return home and eat dinner
7:00 Juku (cram school to study more?)
9:00 Return home and do cram school homework
10:00 Watch tv/play games
11:00 Take a bath
12:00 Sleep (yeah, he plans on bathing for an hour....)

He said that this is very normal and that most kids will do the same for the month and a half that they are off of school. When I told them that most American kids will sit at home all day and play video games, his response was, "American kids must be very sick." Haha, I think that American kids would say the exact same thing.

Well, I know this kid won't be waking up at 6am unless money is involved :) I plan on thoroughly enjoying my time off...maybe...

Interesting find of the day

Since coming here, I've found lots of interesting things around Japan, including people, porn (see previous post), toxic shaved ice stands (not sure if I blogged about that one). But today I came across something that really put a smile on my face and made me want to share.


Okay, so we all have yearbooks sitting at home collecting dust. Maybe once in a while we look back at them and reminisce about the ''good ol' days''. Or, maybe we lock them away and swear to never crack them open again. Either way, we all know what they are. Well, today I found a Japanese yearbook sitting around the computer room (ironically it's not even for this school, but a local high school). Being curious, nosy really, I had to take a peek.


The book is soft cover and rather small (almost pocket size). It has pictures of little anime-like characters eating sweets and drinking coffee (I say anime-like so people will be able to picture that at home...but here, anime is just animation and all drawings look like it). In the bottom corner it says, in English, ''Did you enjoy your school life?''


''Awww, how sweet'' I think to myself. I guess in America we really don't care if people enjoyed their school life.  Maybe we just assume they did.

The first couple of pages are color photos of field day, club activities, school festivals, sports tournaments, and class activities...Oh and their school trip...which looks to be to some sort of tropical island (yeah, that's definitely not like anything from America).


Then you have a message from the principal which I'm sure is about enjoying your youth (I really don't have time to try and translate it). A message from the school president and vice president. All very sweet with hearts, smiley faces, and all sorts of clipart thrown into the letters. So I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, have a nice smile on my face, that is until I look at the next page...

Hmm, what's this...Meet the new students? Looking at the picture.  Ah, hmm, what exactly are they doing? There are 9 students who all look to be throwing gang signs. Yeah, seriously, gang signs. One guy looks like he's holding pistols. One girl has her tongue hanging out as she has her fingers crossed to make W's (west side??? of??). The other girls look all sweet and cute with their arms crossed over their chest. The picture looks an aweful lot like this:

Most of these kids probably have no idea what this means. They probably watched some gangster movie and thought, ''HEY, that looks cool!'' And then started throwing them up every time someone goes to snap their picture (much like the peace sign). I'm sure somewhere out there, some little Japanese girl has a sticker picture of herself throwing these signs with a bunch of Hello! Kitty characters, hearts, and smiley faces surrounding her.

Oh, what's this? Class pictures! Each class (students are put into classes of about 32, they stay with these students all day, except for electives) has one group photo. Boys on one side, girls on the other and the teacher in a track suit in the middle. Under the picture is a message from the class about who they are and a little hand drawn picture. Fairies, chipmunks, lots of baby Minnie and Mickey Mouses, and various other Disney characters. Aww...wait...What's this a picture of? Class 1-3 has drawn a picture of what looks like their teacher happily dragging his dog on a lease, while the dog drags its butt along the ground. *Chuckle*  On the next page is an amazingly realistic picture of a woman who looks like she's either constipated, or about to blow her top. Looking at the picture...ah, wait...it's a picture of their teacher! Wow, I can't imagine many American teachers letting their students draw a picture of them looking so angrily constipated and putting it in the class memory book. What love and fond memories they must have of their homeroom teacher!/possible sarcasm.


But wait! They get better! Class 2-1 has drawn a picture of Minnie mouse, smiling and looking all cute while flipping the bird. Yes, seriously flipping the bird. Yet some how that doesn't beat the picture of class 1-6, where the ENTIRE class is flipping the bird.  I guess it doesn't really mean anything to the students, but from the perspective of someone who understands it's meaning it's rather disturbing. The rest of the class pictures are rather uninspiring - pictures of baby donald in a diaper and just happy messages of love, joy and peace.


Then I get to the club pages. They list the club members and a little message about the club. Basketball, baseball, hmm...what's this the Hop, Step Dance club? Oh...Guitar club! That's cool! And they wrote their entire message in English...


''Welcome to THE Guitar club. Do not you enjoy heretical Rock with hardware together? I want to make CRAZY TIME with YOU! You will fall into The Hell if you do not come *Heart*'' then at the bottom

''A rock & roller & the punk & the fork & the metal & the Visuals come on!'' (The fork?)


Crazy time? Heretical rock? Fall into hell if you don't come?? That is one intense club! And just think, these kids meet 5 - 7 times a week. I can only imagine what kind of crazy time they're making together 7 days a week.

Oddly, the English club flier is almost ALL in Japanese....

Then a survey page with exciting questions like:

Who is your cell phone provider?
Do you like school lunches? (62% said yes :- WOW!)
Do you like this school? (52% said yes...hmmm)
What class did you like?
What is your favorite school lunch?
What is your favorite room in school? (haha, the bathroom is actually #3)

And then a school map...crap the school has 5 floors. That alone might make me hate the school.

And more photos from school activities. It looks like school life was pretty exciting and despite the ''hand signs" and bad English, it makes me a tad jealous. I wonder what it would have been like to attend school here? Would I have felt welcome or would I have been like the kid in class 2-3, standing on the very edge of the picture with his hands folded across his lap and his head hanging down.  I wonder if he's enjoying his school life?

Week-in-review

Hmm, wait...let me think back.  Damn what a long week...okay, slowly...slowly...oh uh..okay yeah..okay I remember.

Monday- shoot, forgot.  Monday, I went to work (figure that's a good place to start). Work was work where I get paid to spend most of my day studying Japanese. I spent the whole day with the 2nd years. The 2nd year teacher wasn't happy, I don't know what she was so upset about.  No one told her to die or shot rubber bands at her.  All in all, it was good day.  No one died, which means I refrained from throwing one of them out the 3rd floor window. I was happy. On top of that, the kids got a new seating chart. I wonder what the teachers were thinking because it's like they stuck all the rude and obnoxious kids in a bunch in the middle of the classroom (what the f#*%#?!).  BUT!!! This also means we get a new group of kids for SOJISURU (cleaning time!!!). The kids we have are AWESOME! They come down and....and....CLEAN!!!!! Without ANYONE yelling at them! It was SHOCKING! Neither the English teacher or I knew what to do.  It was a FABULOUS DAY!

Then I had a meeting at the elementary school. The teacher actually spoke English during the English lesson meeting and I got out of there in time to make my train.  Last time they all spoke Japanese and took 50 minutes to talk about a game that should have just been scrapped anyways.

SO everything was going good, until my roommate got home. She's been sick lately and told me that her doctor suggested that she move back home. WA!!!! I understand her need to take care of her health, but...but...hmm, time to start finding a new place to live.  Which might be darn near impossible since most places in Japan require the equivalent of 3-4 months rent to move in. After taking a walk to clear my mind, I came back in (it was about midnight). She knocks on my door and asks if I'm still up. So we talk again and she has....HALLELEUJAH! changed her mind!!! We instead come up with a plan to help decrease the amount of stress that she's been dealing with. (Side note- most of you might not know that Japan has it's own disease that is strictly stress related. Many people have actually died from it. Talk about NUTS!). One problem solved **Update: clearly not solved as I had to move out a few months later**

Tuesday - Elementary school...yeaaaahhh ....no not yeah. I go to two elementary schools, Daini and Fujishou. Daini is fabulous! The lessons are great, the kids are great, and it's just a nice environment overall. Fujishou just can't seem to get it together. The English teachers spend hours planning, but the lessons are never long enough and always BORING! On top of that, I barely do anything. What's the point of me being there? I mean honestly I could be knocking sense into some 13 year old next door. So, I come in and review the lesson plan and...sit...sit...sit...Oh time to go. First trip up 4 flights of stairs for the day (they make me go downstairs after EVERY FREAKING LESSON even though there's only 10 minutes between classes. Anyways, I get into class and what, it's just me, huh?! Looking around for the lesson supplies (a stupid worksheet and cardstock) I can't find any. It appears that in all of the planning, NO ONE thought that it'd be useful to, I don't know, make copies and get supplies together.

Seriously?! So I stand and wait, because honestly my title is Assistant Language Teacher and I don't get paid enough to make things up on the fly like that. Plus the head teacher is way anal. 10 minutes into English class and the head teacher comes in and starts with "Good morning everyone...Good morning Kimura-sensei"...blah blah blah, talk talk talk....talk....talk...*DINGDINGDING*....what was the point of me being there again?

During the next class I work with the homeroom teacher. Feeling rebellious I just walked over to the class, instead of trekking downstairs.  Boy was that a mistake. I walk right in on the teacher screaming in the face of a 11 year old boy. She was IRRATE! Not having ANY clue as to what she was saying, I just watched and tried to figure out what was so important that she'd be tearing the boy a new one. Oddly, the boy just walked around the classroom packing up all of his belongings, not once acknowledging the teacher making the whole thing seem kind of pointless. *DINGDINGDING* Uh....*twiddling thumbs*....10 minutes later I realize that it seems the boy slapped the girl next to him and bent one of the earpieces of her glasses (which honestly wasn't even noticeable).  The teacher wasn't yelling because the student had hit the girl, but that he had bent the earpiece of her glasses.  What the heck!? Needless to say, the next 35 minutes were the most awkward 35 minutes of my life as she continued to berate him. On top of that, two PTA parents came in to observe the last 10 minutes :-| GAH! What horrible timing. The rest of the day was equally amazing.

Wednesday - Apparently nothing exciting because I honestly don't remember it happening. OH WAIT! The PE teacher said that I could start swimming after school :) YESSSS!!!! I'm going to start a swimming club.  It's going to be me....hmm, oh wait, the kids are only allowed to be a part of one club and that club lasts the entire year and most kids seem to have to stay in the same club all 3 years :-| Misery! So I'm going to start a club by myself. I'm going to make sure to have a lot of fun, by myself.

Thursday - It rained, but THIS time I was prepared. I had gone to the store and purchased a rain "suit" (yes, suit - pants and a jacket :). My pants weren't going to be covered in mud today.  On top of that, I carried an extra bag with my parka and swim suit :) Damn if a little rain is going to keep me from swimming !!! All day I waited...is it time yet...is it time yet....???? This is the first summer that hasn't been spent at the pool.  I was a little anxious to be able to swim!  Bell rings...Run downstairs to quickly sweep up during cleaning to find the girls playing in the water fountain (which is also the hand washing area).  Wanting them to finish quickly, I jumped up and down behind them yelling "FINISHED!!! FINISHED!!!OWARI OWARI OWARI!!! GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WATER FOUNTAIN!" I want to go swim! Running back to the faculty room I slide to a stop at the door (can't let them think I'm overly excited). Walking in casually I head to my desk to get my bag. Realizing I'm in Japan and not America, I decide to check with the PE teacher to see if it was okay for me to go swimming.

"Um, excuse me. Is it okay to swim today" :) I actually said that in Japanese WoooWooo (although I had to practice it all day)

"Hmm, Swimming.....hmmmm, Today.....Asami-sensei, do you think it's okay to swim today?"

What!!??!

"The water is only 22 degrees. It wouldn't be good to swim"

"Hmm, sorry. It is too cold to swim."

"NO... It's okay!!! I've swam in colder!" That's what 72 degrees.  Seriously I'm not going to catch hypothermia!!! Plus it's like 90 outside!!!

"Hmm....it's not a good idea to swim in 22 degree water, is it!" That wasn't really a question, but a Japanese bulls#*# answer that really means, "Shut the ____ up and stop asking!"

Sigh....I hate these people :( Okay, of course I don't really hate them, but hmm, I'm not too happy with them right now.

Friday - Great day! NO 2nd years :) ALL 3rd years, which is boring as hell, but it's boring as hell!!! Which means no problems :) And seriously, as much as I enjoy trying to get the 2nd years to cooperate, sometimes boring is good :)

11:30 - "Crysti-sensei, I forgot to tell you the schedule has changed."
"Really?" (What I mean is, WHAT'S new? We haven't gone more than 3 days with the same schedule)
"Today, the elementary school teachers are coming to observe during 5th period. Then we're going to talk about how the kids have changed."
"Oh, really!? That's neat!" Honestly, this kind of collaboration is ideal! But at what cost?

2:00 - I head up to the 1st year's classroom...
"Crysti-sensei!! What are you doing here?"
"Um, my schedule said to come here."
"WHAT!? It does?" checks her schedule "Oh, you're right...um, *HAHA* well, I forgot to tell you I would like you to help the 2nd year class. You know they are very difficult and the elementary teachers are going."
WHAT!!?!? Like the elementary teachers don't already know that the 2nd year students are borderline insane!
"Um, okay." Yeah, so I'm learning how to be more Japanese.

Dragging myself downstairs, ALL 6 flights!! I find the 2nd year teacher and walk back upstairs for class.

Walking into the class I look around and realize, OH CRAP! This is the rowdy class (not bad, but literally SHOUT EVERYTHING (questions, answers, everything). Well maybe it'll look like they're rowdy about English, maybe.

I decide to go out in the hallway and enjoy the entertainment, which means watching the natives go Ape-doodoo. They must know what's going on, because they're acting nuttier than usual! When suddenly, "Crysti-sensei CATCH!"

I look up to find the largest 2nd year holding one of the smallest second year boys like a baby. Being about 10 feet away, I do the only thing I can think of.  I tuck my textbook under my armpit and hold out my hands. "Okay, throw him." I'm not going to get sued and my language skills aren't strong enough to explain why it's a bad idea...so I went with it.  The little boy starts screaming.  Haha, okay I'm messed up, I know it, but hey it's Friday! So the kids step closer and rather gently toss him. I catch him, to the shock of every boy and girl in hallway (seriously the kid might have been a whole 90 pounds!). Holding him, I look around and wonder what I'm supposed to do now, when the kid starts squirming and yelling, "MY PANTS MY PANTS MY PANTS!!!" Realizing that his pants had started to fall down when he landed, I regain my sense and put him down. With that, I have now earned the nickname, "Muscles". Which is probably a good thing with this group of kids.

5 minutes into class -
"Crysti-sensei, I have to run to the faculty room to make copies. Please ask the students the question, What are you doing?

WHAT!!?!?!

"I can run and make copies!!" I interject.

"No, no, you don't have to do that. I've got it!"

"Um, can you at LEAST tell the students what I'm doing?" Otherwise all I get is, "wakaranai" (I don't understand).

"Oh, they'll figure it out. " Runs out the door.

Standing at the front. I stare around. Well damn me! 1/2 the kids are yelling about, frogs? Weird. How the heck am I supposed to entertain them all if I'm asking individual kids questions?  Then, as a testament to my unbelievable luck, the principal, head teacher and 3 other teachers from the elementary school walk in. Ummm....???? Feeling like a deer frozen in front of an oncoming semi, I start writing on the board. I'm ______ing. Throwing the question out there. The kids immediately start screaming answers at me. Damn I don't know how to say raise your hand in Japanese.  So I just start writing them down.

I'm sleeping. My response, "Oh really?" "Rearry!" How? You're talking to me?" "I'm sleeping." "Yeah, me too!" Okay next.

I'm studying English. My response, "HAHAHA! Is that what we call this?" Okay I didn't really say that aloud.

I'm dying. My response, "Oh yeah! That's a good one. Who said that? Yeah, I'm dying here too." Laughter....oh one kid might really be studying English.

The teacher walks in and looks at the responses.

"I'm Dying? Who said that!? You're NOT dying! Who said that?"

Ohhhh crap.  Is it really that bad of an answer? I thought it was rather creative. Not wanting to give it away I point to a general vacinity of the room and just say, "Hmm, I'm not sure but I think it came from this side of the room. But if I could add.  I AM dying, slowly...very slowly...hopefully very very slowly." Teacher laughs and moves on. WHEW! That was a close one. For the rest of the class I just walk the rows and check the student's spelling and ask kids how their leisure reading is going.  Half of them think they're being sneaky by sticking the book 1/2 in their desk... I'd be reading a book too if I were them.  As I continue walking, the kid who tossed the little student at me earlier stops me:

Him: Japanese Japanese Japanese....that I can't understand
Me: "Ummm...." puzzled look.
Him: same thing...more slowly....
Me: "Wakaranai" That came in handy.
Him: Looking very troubled..."wakaranai..." Looking around he starts asking the kids how to say it in English. Finally he just shouts out, "Tabata teacher tabata teacher" Yes, sadly the kids think that in English you say teacher after the teacher's name. He then asks his question.
Tabata-sensei: "Mrs. Jones, he wants to know if you like frogs"
Me: Um, sure...
He smiles happily. 

Okay, what an awesome end to a long week! But NEXT week, I'll get to swim. This time, I'm not asking! I was told it'd be okay next week, so damn if I'm going to risk being given another ambiguous answer!!