White-walled cafe

I've been spending a lot of time lately monitoring the lunchroom (well most days) and I have to say that I often find myself confusing the cafeteria for a place that's normally padded.  Take today for example...

To my left, the student was punching away at a stop watch, mumbling in French and occasionally reaching into his container of cup o' ramen (with his hands...sometimes if he remembered, his fork) and leaning back in his chair in a position reminiscent of Al Bundy...complete with unzipped pants.  I couldn't help but stare at his fly and wonder...do I even bother to say anything...no one else notices...he doesn't notice...do I even want to go there right now?  Maybe this makes me a horrible person, but I didn't.

In order to avoid the feelings of guilt attempting to creep into my mind, I shifted my gaze to the right.  In front of me a student sat on his top of the line Iphone arguing away with the person on the other side...and just so you know that top of the line phone...happened to be his hand and the person on the other side, according to him, was his girlfriend.  As I chopped my daikon and prepared my salad, I couldn't help but feel like I was ease dropping in on a private conversation.  The boy was literally carrying on about the dog, the groceries, and making comments like, "I don't care what happened, it has to get done.  Uh huh, huh, but I don't want to hear excuses.  You did what!?"  Absolutely astounding how realistic it sounded.  I couldn't help but chime in with, "Where did you learn to talk to women this way?" another female student went to get my back, "YEAH! She's going to dump you if you keep talking to her that way!" Wait...HUH?  He's not really talking to anyone...

"And this is my hammerhead shark and my manta ray." My ears picked up the small mumble of the boy next to me.  Who I then realized had been trying to show me pictures.  I peered over to his Iphone (this one real) and could barely make out the faint outline of a manta.  Faining interest I continued to nod and say, "oh really? Where do you keep these animals?" as I chopped away.  About 5 minutes in, I realized...wait...he's claiming that these animals belong to him??  Trying to clarify, I asked him if these were his pets, to which he said yes.  I tried to ask him why he owned hammerhead sharks and where he kept them.  He mentioned that his dad bought some sort of house and they had a place for him.  Trying to decide if this was a play for attention, or if this boy seriously had an exotic pet collection, I asked to see the rest of his photos.  He continued to slide through them...and then came the zebra.  To which I said, "These are pictures of the zoo."  And despite the obvious location, he continued to insist that all these animals were in fact his.  I starred him hard in the eyes, trying to discern if he was telling the truth or trying to pull my leg...I came up empty...so with a nod I once again shifted my attention, this time towards the couch.

There sat the cutest crazy kid you even did see.  He was almost picturesque looking.  Mixed ethnicity, perfect hair, teeth, smile, and tiny to boot.  Then he opened his mouth...and nothing but crazy talk came out.  He sat rolling around on the couch (literally) as he ate his sandwich and spoke to himself in Japanese.  The only words I could make out were "you" something something "die" something something "HAHAHAHAH!!!"

I quickly refocused ahead! Back to the boy on the imaginary phone. His conversation had carried on for 15 minutes! Until he finally said, "YOU WHAT!? You lied to me!?" to which the female student chirped, "OH! Haha, your girlfriend lied to you, SUCKER!"  At which point I decided to step in and say, "....Look at the clock.  You have 10 minutes left to eat, can you please stop talking on the phone and finish your lunch?"  To which he responded, "Hey, I'm sorry, the teacher says I have to go.  Yeah I know.  Uh huh...uh huh...ok...yep...later!"  He then clicks his finger as if he's hanging up and goes back to eating as if nothing ever happened.

In disbelief, I turned to the aide next to me, who was still trying to get the boy to eat ramen and said, "Is it just me, or do you feel like you're eating in a loony ward?"