Saturday, July 25, 2009

Living without

After being here for 4 months...or at least it was four months when I started writing this blog...I've gotten a little distracted lately, I have found myself falling into a daily routine. Here are just some of things that I have gotten used to doing:

1) Sorting garbage - Japan is one of the few countries that burns its trash. Because of this, all garbage has to be sorted into burnable and not burnable. Burnable garbage gets picked up 2x's a week and then the non-burnable stuff gets picked up once a week. They also have a day for "other" items (e.g. clothes, old household appliances/goods, newspapers, bottles, and cans). All trash is wrapped in small, clear garbage bags and left in designated spots along the street. I have to admit that I know when to throw out the burnable and nonburnable, but am still at a loss for when to throw out "other" garbage. I asked my roommate and she said, "There are posters all over town, just read them".  However, all those posters are also located in the path of oncoming traffic making it rather dangerous for me to stand there and try to read them.

2) Stray cats and crows - I don't know how this happened, maybe I should ask someone someday, but Japan is OVERRUN by crows and stray cats.  Nothing is more annoying than being awoken at 3am to the sound of two cats fighting. Or being woken up at 6am to the sound of a hungry crow cawing on the fence. In some places, the crow population has gotten so out of hand that they have actually attacked people.  Maybe Alfred Hitchcock wasn't too far off. I recently asked someone why they don't just use the stray cats to kill the crows. Sounds like a good enough plan.  I mean to be honest I think I'd rather have the stray cats (who all run in terror at the sight of humans) to the man eating crows. But the other day, while waiting for the train, I found out why this wouldn't work.  Someday I'll get my camera to work and upload the photos that I took.  The crows are the same size as the cats here and a hell of a lot more aggressive. For about 10 minutes, I watched as a crow chased a cat around the train platform, pecking at the cat, until the cat finally ran off under a fence.  I was both in awe and disturbed by the thought that the crow was larger and more aggressive than the cat.

3) Stealing internet from my neighbor's wifi connection and still downloading at speeds of 1.0 MB. To think that I just downloaded 699 mb in under 20 minutes is phenomenal (the average download speed was 800kb/sec). And this is a wifi signal from a neighbor 25 meters away. Unbelievable, though not surprising as Japan has some of the best internet capabilities in the world (8-30 times faster than in America) and at some of the cheapest prices (full service runs around $30/month).  But since my roommate refuses to get internet (which I can't do without a Japanese person there to say I will pay my bill), I will continue to steal my neighbor's.

4) "Oh, I see" and "right/ isn't it?" While I haven't picked up on speaking Japanese, yet, I have started incorporating English versions of Japanese phrases into my conversations. It's as strange as it sounds. Japanese use a word "naruhodo," when they understand what someone is trying to say.  It pretty much means, "Oh, I see."  They also throw in "ne" at the end of many of their sentences to illicit agreement from the listening party. While I don't toss these in at the end of my English sentences, I have started using their English equivalents...OFTEN. I'd like to think that this is a positive first step towards actually speaking Japanese.  **Update: Eventually I did start using the Japanese words in my English conversations.**

5) Bowing and saying, "sumimasen." Sumimasen means excuse me or thank you.  Meaning it's used ALL the time. In fact, I don't think that Japanese people really mean it, as much as they're just trained to use it. Nonetheless, I find myself bowing and saying sumimasen every time I ask someone for something, bump into someone, look at someone the wrong way, cross paths in front of someone, or when someone has done something for me (even something ridiculously trivial). I'm a little disturbed by how quickly I picked up on bowing and apologizing as it's completely un-American. But, if it keeps the peace, then so be it.

6) Sleeping on a futon. So I couldn't quite get used to sleeping on one futon, but 3 I can handle. A Japanese futon is really just a thin, maybe 5-6cm thick, mattress that lies on the floor. They're very firm and to be honest kind of a waste of space. One mattress is usually so thin that it's no better than just sleeping on a blanket on the floor. Thus, the reason why I have 3.  **Update: I eventually upgraded to sleeping on a mattress on the floor which turned out to be some of the best sleep I've ever gotten.**

7) No air conditioning. Most places do NOT have central AC. Stores and trains do, but that's about where it ends. In Japanese houses, AC units are wall units. This means that every room that you want AC in requires a separate wall unit. These units run around $400, so you can imagine how expensive this could get if say you wanted one in the bedrooms, living room, and kitchen.   Although you have to purchase separate units that look ungodly sticking out of the wall, that does mean you can also run them separately, saving you loads of money in the long run. 

8) Utilities are cheaper than DIRT! My water bills comes every two months and even though my roommate takes a 30min shower every day, the bill is only $39! My electric bill comes once a month and runs about $18 and the gas runs about $24 (all stoves and water heaters run on gas). Beautiful! Although, what they don't charge in utilities they more than make up for in initial rent fees (4 - 5 months due up front).

9) Kombini's...Like America convenience stores are EVERYWHERE, though I never really used them outside of really long road trips. But here, where I'm always walking, kombini's are truly convenient.  I often find myself wandering into one on my way home, after a long day.  It's really a bad idea! One kg later, I'm now planning my route home AROUND kombini's.



On the other hand, there are plenty of things that I haven't gotten used to:

1) Sweating, always.  In the two months of summer, I've used more deodorant than I probably used in a year back home. I turn my head and sweat starts pouring down my shirt. The annoying thing is that it's not even HOT here (compared to Arizona), it's the damn humidity! Horrible.  Just once I'd like to go somewhere without looking like I walked through a rainshower.

2) Cockroaches the size of small birds. These things are everywhere. I was wondering through an expensive part of Tokyo, and just sitting on this post outside of a high class hotel was a giant cockroach. Japan is full of creepy crawlies and since most places leave their windows open, these creepy crawlies frequently find their way inside.

3) Earthquakes.  Most people don't seem to notice, while I on the other hand find myself constantly frozen in fear always.

I'm sure there are more things that I'll think of when I come across them, but this is all you get for now :) After 4 months here, I've definitely come to see a different picture of what Japan and Japanese people are like. I still love it here and have met some wonderful people, but now see a slightly bigger picture. I can't really say if it's good or bad, but it's certainly different than what I expected (granted, some things are exactly how I expected).

Saturday, July 18, 2009

My butt is numb....

So, no internet at home still. Whoever I've been stealing it from either figured out how to block it, died, or is on a very long vacation. The next best thing, in Japan is going to an internet Cafe. Since I couldn't find one near my house, I traveled to Takadanobaba (funny name for a city, right). The place it called Cybernet Bagus (I don't have any idea what Bagus is). For 420 yen (about $4.20) I have unlimited use of the facilities for 1 hour. What does this unlimited use entail you ask?

When you first come in, you're greeted by two workers dressed in tuxedo shirts, ties, suspenders, and trousers (yeah really). Off to the left is a wall full of every imaginable magazine. First you have to select a room: the type of chair you would like, smoking/non-smoking, and whether or not you would like to include the use of the shower facilities in your charges. Then you are given a ticket and room number. The hallway leading to the computer cubicles is lined with free items. On the left is multiple vending machines selling everything from frappuccinos, junk food, soup, and soda. There is also a small room with a soft serve ice cream machine, juice, and microwave. On the right side is a bookshelf that extends for about 20 feet containing nothing but manga (comic books). The use of these items is all included in the cost of admission.

The rooms are like small cubicles. 6 foot walls, a door, a chair, and a padded floor (in case you'd like to take a nap). The computer screen functions as a tv/DVD player. There are movie channels that you can select from and DVDs that you can rent for an additional price. Basically all the comforts of home in a 3 by 6 room.

I guess many Japanese young people now use these facilities as their home. 24-hour use is cheaper than an apartment, meaning that many of these people only have to work part-time jobs to survive. Many adults have become concerned that the present generation is too unmotivated and I can definitely see why.  As I type this, I can hear the people on both sides snoring (it's 9am). While the place is nice, I can't actually imagine living in here. It's dark, small, and smells an awful lot like BO with horrible elevator music playing in the background.

I'd write more, but my time here is almost up.  Next time I'll try to actually write something of substance.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

What I did over summer vacation

So I havent had internet in two weeks, my roommate is on the move, and I wont get paid for the month of August (which is okay, since I dont work in the month of August). So what will I do for summer vacation!!! Well...

1) So plan A, find a roommate that wants to live in the equivalent of BFE. I have no furniture, no internet, and no tv. Something tells me that this will be more than difficult. Plan B, find someone nearby who is looking for a roommate to share their house with. This has been the easiest as I have already found one. The rent isnt much different and the location is just one town over. Im meeting her on Friday...so, we'll see. Plan C, if all else fails I move into a guesthouse in Tokyo. This makes for some LONG transportation hours and resembles dorm living. It does allow me easy access to people, so I'm not quite so lonely as I am in BFE.

2) Find a second job. In the current economy this is turning out to be more difficult than I had thought. I have thrown out my resume for all the world to see and now have to sit and wait as I find out whether or not I will be hired for the one spot that 150 other people have applied for....damn.

3) Make friends. I would like to meet one to two new person a week. This should be rather interesting...maybe I will write about it. Of course, not at the expense of someone's privacy. ..hmm, Ill figure something out.

4) Swim. This may be more difficult than I originally thought seeing as everyone and their mother thinks theyre a pro around here. I went swimming Saturday and shared a lane with 10 other adults and an endless number of elementary school kids...who were LITERALLY falling from the sky. I ended up bruised and royally ticked-off...My patience for swimming over and under little tadpoles is practically nil...especially when they kept kicking me in the legs.

5) Study Japanese...yeah, Im working on this slowly.

Okay, so this is really boring. But I'm poor...what else can I do?

On a possibly more interesting note...what does the typical Japanese student do during summer vacation? Well, one of the students so kindly made me a poster (yes, seriously it's about 2x3) of his summer break schedule.

6:00 Wake up (yeah, seriously...another kid said he wakes up at 4am to run...ummmm, well that explains a lot)
6:10 Eat breakfast
6:30 Practice soccer with friends (for fun)
8:00 Return home
8:30 School Club Practice (soccer)
12:00 Finish
12:35 Shower
1:30 Juku (cram school)
6:30 return home and eat dinner
7:00 Juku (cram school to study more?)
9:00 Return home and do cram school homework
10:00 Watch tv/play games
11:00 Take a bath
12:00 Sleep (yeah, he plans on bathing for an hour....)

He said that this is very normal and that most kids will do the same for the month and a half that they are off of school. When I told them that most American kids will sit at home all day and play video games, his response was, "American kids must be very sick." Haha, I think that American kids would say the exact same thing.

Well, I know this kid won't be waking up at 6am unless money is involved :) I plan on thoroughly enjoying my time off...maybe...

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Interesting find of the day

Since coming here, I've found lots of interesting things around Japan, including people, porn (see previous post), toxic shaved ice stands (not sure if I blogged about that one). But today I came across something that really put a smile on my face and made me want to share.


Okay, so we all have yearbooks sitting at home collecting dust. Maybe once in a while we look back at them and reminisce about the ''good ol' days''. Or, maybe we lock them away and swear to never crack them open again. Either way, we all know what they are. Well, today I found a Japanese yearbook sitting around the computer room (ironically it's not even for this school, but a local high school). Being curious, nosy really, I had to take a peek.


The book is soft cover and rather small (almost pocket size). It has pictures of little anime-like characters eating sweets and drinking coffee (I say anime-like so people will be able to picture that at home...but here, anime is just animation and all drawings look like it). In the bottom corner it says, in English, ''Did you enjoy your school life?''


''Awww, how sweet'' I think to myself. I guess in America we really don't care if people enjoyed their school life.  Maybe we just assume they did.

The first couple of pages are color photos of field day, club activities, school festivals, sports tournaments, and class activities...Oh and their school trip...which looks to be to some sort of tropical island (yeah, that's definitely not like anything from America).


Then you have a message from the principal which I'm sure is about enjoying your youth (I really don't have time to try and translate it). A message from the school president and vice president. All very sweet with hearts, smiley faces, and all sorts of clipart thrown into the letters. So I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, have a nice smile on my face, that is until I look at the next page...

Hmm, what's this...Meet the new students? Looking at the picture.  Ah, hmm, what exactly are they doing? There are 9 students who all look to be throwing gang signs. Yeah, seriously, gang signs. One guy looks like he's holding pistols. One girl has her tongue hanging out as she has her fingers crossed to make W's (west side??? of??). The other girls look all sweet and cute with their arms crossed over their chest. The picture looks an aweful lot like this:

Most of these kids probably have no idea what this means. They probably watched some gangster movie and thought, ''HEY, that looks cool!'' And then started throwing them up every time someone goes to snap their picture (much like the peace sign). I'm sure somewhere out there, some little Japanese girl has a sticker picture of herself throwing these signs with a bunch of Hello! Kitty characters, hearts, and smiley faces surrounding her.

Oh, what's this? Class pictures! Each class (students are put into classes of about 32, they stay with these students all day, except for electives) has one group photo. Boys on one side, girls on the other and the teacher in a track suit in the middle. Under the picture is a message from the class about who they are and a little hand drawn picture. Fairies, chipmunks, lots of baby Minnie and Mickey Mouses, and various other Disney characters. Aww...wait...What's this a picture of? Class 1-3 has drawn a picture of what looks like their teacher happily dragging his dog on a lease, while the dog drags its butt along the ground. *Chuckle*  On the next page is an amazingly realistic picture of a woman who looks like she's either constipated, or about to blow her top. Looking at the picture...ah, wait...it's a picture of their teacher! Wow, I can't imagine many American teachers letting their students draw a picture of them looking so angrily constipated and putting it in the class memory book. What love and fond memories they must have of their homeroom teacher!/possible sarcasm.


But wait! They get better! Class 2-1 has drawn a picture of Minnie mouse, smiling and looking all cute while flipping the bird. Yes, seriously flipping the bird. Yet some how that doesn't beat the picture of class 1-6, where the ENTIRE class is flipping the bird.  I guess it doesn't really mean anything to the students, but from the perspective of someone who understands it's meaning it's rather disturbing. The rest of the class pictures are rather uninspiring - pictures of baby donald in a diaper and just happy messages of love, joy and peace.


Then I get to the club pages. They list the club members and a little message about the club. Basketball, baseball, hmm...what's this the Hop, Step Dance club? Oh...Guitar club! That's cool! And they wrote their entire message in English...


''Welcome to THE Guitar club. Do not you enjoy heretical Rock with hardware together? I want to make CRAZY TIME with YOU! You will fall into The Hell if you do not come *Heart*'' then at the bottom

''A rock & roller & the punk & the fork & the metal & the Visuals come on!'' (The fork?)


Crazy time? Heretical rock? Fall into hell if you don't come?? That is one intense club! And just think, these kids meet 5 - 7 times a week. I can only imagine what kind of crazy time they're making together 7 days a week.

Oddly, the English club flier is almost ALL in Japanese....

Then a survey page with exciting questions like:

Who is your cell phone provider?
Do you like school lunches? (62% said yes :- WOW!)
Do you like this school? (52% said yes...hmmm)
What class did you like?
What is your favorite school lunch?
What is your favorite room in school? (haha, the bathroom is actually #3)

And then a school map...crap the school has 5 floors. That alone might make me hate the school.

And more photos from school activities. It looks like school life was pretty exciting and despite the ''hand signs" and bad English, it makes me a tad jealous. I wonder what it would have been like to attend school here? Would I have felt welcome or would I have been like the kid in class 2-3, standing on the very edge of the picture with his hands folded across his lap and his head hanging down.  I wonder if he's enjoying his school life?

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Week-in-review

Hmm, wait...let me think back.  Damn what a long week...okay, slowly...slowly...oh uh..okay yeah..okay I remember.

Monday- shoot, forgot.  Monday, I went to work (figure that's a good place to start). Work was work where I get paid to spend most of my day studying Japanese. I spent the whole day with the 2nd years. The 2nd year teacher wasn't happy, I don't know what she was so upset about.  No one told her to die or shot rubber bands at her.  All in all, it was good day.  No one died, which means I refrained from throwing one of them out the 3rd floor window. I was happy. On top of that, the kids got a new seating chart. I wonder what the teachers were thinking because it's like they stuck all the rude and obnoxious kids in a bunch in the middle of the classroom (what the f#*%#?!).  BUT!!! This also means we get a new group of kids for SOJISURU (cleaning time!!!). The kids we have are AWESOME! They come down and....and....CLEAN!!!!! Without ANYONE yelling at them! It was SHOCKING! Neither the English teacher or I knew what to do.  It was a FABULOUS DAY!

Then I had a meeting at the elementary school. The teacher actually spoke English during the English lesson meeting and I got out of there in time to make my train.  Last time they all spoke Japanese and took 50 minutes to talk about a game that should have just been scrapped anyways.

SO everything was going good, until my roommate got home. She's been sick lately and told me that her doctor suggested that she move back home. WA!!!! I understand her need to take care of her health, but...but...hmm, time to start finding a new place to live.  Which might be darn near impossible since most places in Japan require the equivalent of 3-4 months rent to move in. After taking a walk to clear my mind, I came back in (it was about midnight). She knocks on my door and asks if I'm still up. So we talk again and she has....HALLELEUJAH! changed her mind!!! We instead come up with a plan to help decrease the amount of stress that she's been dealing with. (Side note- most of you might not know that Japan has it's own disease that is strictly stress related. Many people have actually died from it. Talk about NUTS!). One problem solved **Update: clearly not solved as I had to move out a few months later**

Tuesday - Elementary school...yeaaaahhh ....no not yeah. I go to two elementary schools, Daini and Fujishou. Daini is fabulous! The lessons are great, the kids are great, and it's just a nice environment overall. Fujishou just can't seem to get it together. The English teachers spend hours planning, but the lessons are never long enough and always BORING! On top of that, I barely do anything. What's the point of me being there? I mean honestly I could be knocking sense into some 13 year old next door. So, I come in and review the lesson plan and...sit...sit...sit...Oh time to go. First trip up 4 flights of stairs for the day (they make me go downstairs after EVERY FREAKING LESSON even though there's only 10 minutes between classes. Anyways, I get into class and what, it's just me, huh?! Looking around for the lesson supplies (a stupid worksheet and cardstock) I can't find any. It appears that in all of the planning, NO ONE thought that it'd be useful to, I don't know, make copies and get supplies together.

Seriously?! So I stand and wait, because honestly my title is Assistant Language Teacher and I don't get paid enough to make things up on the fly like that. Plus the head teacher is way anal. 10 minutes into English class and the head teacher comes in and starts with "Good morning everyone...Good morning Kimura-sensei"...blah blah blah, talk talk talk....talk....talk...*DINGDINGDING*....what was the point of me being there again?

During the next class I work with the homeroom teacher. Feeling rebellious I just walked over to the class, instead of trekking downstairs.  Boy was that a mistake. I walk right in on the teacher screaming in the face of a 11 year old boy. She was IRRATE! Not having ANY clue as to what she was saying, I just watched and tried to figure out what was so important that she'd be tearing the boy a new one. Oddly, the boy just walked around the classroom packing up all of his belongings, not once acknowledging the teacher making the whole thing seem kind of pointless. *DINGDINGDING* Uh....*twiddling thumbs*....10 minutes later I realize that it seems the boy slapped the girl next to him and bent one of the earpieces of her glasses (which honestly wasn't even noticeable).  The teacher wasn't yelling because the student had hit the girl, but that he had bent the earpiece of her glasses.  What the heck!? Needless to say, the next 35 minutes were the most awkward 35 minutes of my life as she continued to berate him. On top of that, two PTA parents came in to observe the last 10 minutes :-| GAH! What horrible timing. The rest of the day was equally amazing.

Wednesday - Apparently nothing exciting because I honestly don't remember it happening. OH WAIT! The PE teacher said that I could start swimming after school :) YESSSS!!!! I'm going to start a swimming club.  It's going to be me....hmm, oh wait, the kids are only allowed to be a part of one club and that club lasts the entire year and most kids seem to have to stay in the same club all 3 years :-| Misery! So I'm going to start a club by myself. I'm going to make sure to have a lot of fun, by myself.

Thursday - It rained, but THIS time I was prepared. I had gone to the store and purchased a rain "suit" (yes, suit - pants and a jacket :). My pants weren't going to be covered in mud today.  On top of that, I carried an extra bag with my parka and swim suit :) Damn if a little rain is going to keep me from swimming !!! All day I waited...is it time yet...is it time yet....???? This is the first summer that hasn't been spent at the pool.  I was a little anxious to be able to swim!  Bell rings...Run downstairs to quickly sweep up during cleaning to find the girls playing in the water fountain (which is also the hand washing area).  Wanting them to finish quickly, I jumped up and down behind them yelling "FINISHED!!! FINISHED!!!OWARI OWARI OWARI!!! GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WATER FOUNTAIN!" I want to go swim! Running back to the faculty room I slide to a stop at the door (can't let them think I'm overly excited). Walking in casually I head to my desk to get my bag. Realizing I'm in Japan and not America, I decide to check with the PE teacher to see if it was okay for me to go swimming.

"Um, excuse me. Is it okay to swim today" :) I actually said that in Japanese WoooWooo (although I had to practice it all day)

"Hmm, Swimming.....hmmmm, Today.....Asami-sensei, do you think it's okay to swim today?"

What!!??!

"The water is only 22 degrees. It wouldn't be good to swim"

"Hmm, sorry. It is too cold to swim."

"NO... It's okay!!! I've swam in colder!" That's what 72 degrees.  Seriously I'm not going to catch hypothermia!!! Plus it's like 90 outside!!!

"Hmm....it's not a good idea to swim in 22 degree water, is it!" That wasn't really a question, but a Japanese bulls#*# answer that really means, "Shut the ____ up and stop asking!"

Sigh....I hate these people :( Okay, of course I don't really hate them, but hmm, I'm not too happy with them right now.

Friday - Great day! NO 2nd years :) ALL 3rd years, which is boring as hell, but it's boring as hell!!! Which means no problems :) And seriously, as much as I enjoy trying to get the 2nd years to cooperate, sometimes boring is good :)

11:30 - "Crysti-sensei, I forgot to tell you the schedule has changed."
"Really?" (What I mean is, WHAT'S new? We haven't gone more than 3 days with the same schedule)
"Today, the elementary school teachers are coming to observe during 5th period. Then we're going to talk about how the kids have changed."
"Oh, really!? That's neat!" Honestly, this kind of collaboration is ideal! But at what cost?

2:00 - I head up to the 1st year's classroom...
"Crysti-sensei!! What are you doing here?"
"Um, my schedule said to come here."
"WHAT!? It does?" checks her schedule "Oh, you're right...um, *HAHA* well, I forgot to tell you I would like you to help the 2nd year class. You know they are very difficult and the elementary teachers are going."
WHAT!!?!? Like the elementary teachers don't already know that the 2nd year students are borderline insane!
"Um, okay." Yeah, so I'm learning how to be more Japanese.

Dragging myself downstairs, ALL 6 flights!! I find the 2nd year teacher and walk back upstairs for class.

Walking into the class I look around and realize, OH CRAP! This is the rowdy class (not bad, but literally SHOUT EVERYTHING (questions, answers, everything). Well maybe it'll look like they're rowdy about English, maybe.

I decide to go out in the hallway and enjoy the entertainment, which means watching the natives go Ape-doodoo. They must know what's going on, because they're acting nuttier than usual! When suddenly, "Crysti-sensei CATCH!"

I look up to find the largest 2nd year holding one of the smallest second year boys like a baby. Being about 10 feet away, I do the only thing I can think of.  I tuck my textbook under my armpit and hold out my hands. "Okay, throw him." I'm not going to get sued and my language skills aren't strong enough to explain why it's a bad idea...so I went with it.  The little boy starts screaming.  Haha, okay I'm messed up, I know it, but hey it's Friday! So the kids step closer and rather gently toss him. I catch him, to the shock of every boy and girl in hallway (seriously the kid might have been a whole 90 pounds!). Holding him, I look around and wonder what I'm supposed to do now, when the kid starts squirming and yelling, "MY PANTS MY PANTS MY PANTS!!!" Realizing that his pants had started to fall down when he landed, I regain my sense and put him down. With that, I have now earned the nickname, "Muscles". Which is probably a good thing with this group of kids.

5 minutes into class -
"Crysti-sensei, I have to run to the faculty room to make copies. Please ask the students the question, What are you doing?

WHAT!!?!?!

"I can run and make copies!!" I interject.

"No, no, you don't have to do that. I've got it!"

"Um, can you at LEAST tell the students what I'm doing?" Otherwise all I get is, "wakaranai" (I don't understand).

"Oh, they'll figure it out. " Runs out the door.

Standing at the front. I stare around. Well damn me! 1/2 the kids are yelling about, frogs? Weird. How the heck am I supposed to entertain them all if I'm asking individual kids questions?  Then, as a testament to my unbelievable luck, the principal, head teacher and 3 other teachers from the elementary school walk in. Ummm....???? Feeling like a deer frozen in front of an oncoming semi, I start writing on the board. I'm ______ing. Throwing the question out there. The kids immediately start screaming answers at me. Damn I don't know how to say raise your hand in Japanese.  So I just start writing them down.

I'm sleeping. My response, "Oh really?" "Rearry!" How? You're talking to me?" "I'm sleeping." "Yeah, me too!" Okay next.

I'm studying English. My response, "HAHAHA! Is that what we call this?" Okay I didn't really say that aloud.

I'm dying. My response, "Oh yeah! That's a good one. Who said that? Yeah, I'm dying here too." Laughter....oh one kid might really be studying English.

The teacher walks in and looks at the responses.

"I'm Dying? Who said that!? You're NOT dying! Who said that?"

Ohhhh crap.  Is it really that bad of an answer? I thought it was rather creative. Not wanting to give it away I point to a general vacinity of the room and just say, "Hmm, I'm not sure but I think it came from this side of the room. But if I could add.  I AM dying, slowly...very slowly...hopefully very very slowly." Teacher laughs and moves on. WHEW! That was a close one. For the rest of the class I just walk the rows and check the student's spelling and ask kids how their leisure reading is going.  Half of them think they're being sneaky by sticking the book 1/2 in their desk... I'd be reading a book too if I were them.  As I continue walking, the kid who tossed the little student at me earlier stops me:

Him: Japanese Japanese Japanese....that I can't understand
Me: "Ummm...." puzzled look.
Him: same thing...more slowly....
Me: "Wakaranai" That came in handy.
Him: Looking very troubled..."wakaranai..." Looking around he starts asking the kids how to say it in English. Finally he just shouts out, "Tabata teacher tabata teacher" Yes, sadly the kids think that in English you say teacher after the teacher's name. He then asks his question.
Tabata-sensei: "Mrs. Jones, he wants to know if you like frogs"
Me: Um, sure...
He smiles happily. 

Okay, what an awesome end to a long week! But NEXT week, I'll get to swim. This time, I'm not asking! I was told it'd be okay next week, so damn if I'm going to risk being given another ambiguous answer!!

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Ah - ohisashiburi (Long time no see)

Soo, what's new in the realm of Japanese education.  If I were to answer that literally, I would say nothing has been new for the last 50 years or so (they even practice the exact same stretching routine every morning). Anyways, last week was another useless week as the students were preparing for midterm exams. I'm not sure what exactly they were supposed to have learned after only two months of school and only 27 classes - IF you don't factor in ALL the changes in their schedule. But, for the previous week and the first two days of this week, the students have been preparing for their midterms.

Midterms in Japan are prepared by the teacher. The teacher basically writes a bunch of random questions, gives the students a copy of the study guide, a totally useless copy of the textbook with answers and calls it preparation. Students are basically clueless as to what to expect on the test.  I was clueless and I SAW the test beforehand. During this time, I really didn't have much use.  Actually, I could have had a lot of use helping students study, but that doesn't seem to be the Japanese way...teacher lectures, students listen, maybe write something down, and that's that.  If the kids don't get it, oh well!. Anyways, the only thing I did for two days was record my voice reading totally random paragraphs. Such as the one below.

Last week, I went on a date with Takeshi. He is very handsome and is a very good table tennis player (every American girl's dream). We went to eat Italian food at Sayazeria (kind of a rip off of a cheap "Italian" restaurant). We had pizza. I liked it a lot, it was VERY good . Then we went to see a movie. It was very busy, so we did not see a movie. Hmm...I don't write them... I just read them...So we went to the park. It was a very beautiful park. We took a boat to the lake (she actually let me fix this one). Then we walked and talked a lot on a bench (walked and talked ON the bench? Okay, so she let me fix this one too after I explained what exactly she was describing). It was very fun.

That was maybe more creative than the other sentences:

Miss Ono: "Hello Hideki" (Hideki...that was me)
Hideki: "Hello Miss Ono"
Miss Ono: "This is my friend Yuki" (the female heroine that stars in ALL the textbooks)
Miss Ono: "Thank you"
Hideki: "You're welcome"

 Then I got to read and spell a list of vegetables :) It was an EXCITING DAY!

BUT! The best part was actually after the students took the tests and I got to grade the written portion which was....ABOUT ME! Yes, the 2nd year students had to try and write 5 sentences about ME! And damn if some of it wasn't some of the funniest things I've ever read. To be honest, I really don't know where these kids came up with some of these words since most of the 2nd years spend classtime saying, "Speak Japanese...this is Japan" "I'm going to kill you!" "Die!" "I don't want to speak English!" I honestly was expecting to see things like, "she is the devil", "I will kill her in her sleep", "I hate her", and most certainly, "DIE!" But what they came up with, totally threw me...

From least disturbing to most.
*This is our Jones teacher. (Actually, I saw this on almost everyone's.  I don't remember being given as a gift or possession.)
*He (yes HE) do swim. He do swim is very good. He swim very fast (dooo I now? I don't remember swimming any time recently).
*She has very long leg. I want her leg. (:-| better watch that one...it was a boy. And yes he wants just 1 leg...)
*She is draw. I see her draw. It was like !!! (I guess I fill in the blank on that one).
*Pet is she is have usagi.
*She has long hair. I like look hair. (another one to keep an eye on)

On a brighter note, some kids wrote some VERY nice things. This is surprising since most of my time in grade 2 is spent taking things away from students, clothes-lining them as they run through the hallway, digging for notes in their desk, pulling their desks out from under them while they sleep, hiding their stuff in the hallway while they sleep, and giving them the EVIL eye as they make rude comments.

*She likes students. She is a very good teacher. (this was from a female. A very good student, who always laughs when I pull desks out from kids)
*She is a GTO teacher. (This took me a while to figure out, from what the English teacher told me GTO is a comic book character.  A male comic book character, but I guess a nickname for a cool teacher.)
*She does yoga very good. She does things I can't. She is very powerful! I respect her. (Damn straight you better! Makes me wonder if this kid plans on joining the Yakuza when he gets older....)
*She is butiful teacher. She is nice. (This from a boy who the week before I had to get on because he was making crude sexual hand gestures...wait...maybe this one should concern me as well).
* She is nice teacher. I like her very much. (This was written by a boy who got a 30 out of 100 on the test and who I constantly have to pull his desk out from under him to get him to wake up. Where he learned enough English to write that baffles me...).

Either way, this definitely made my week. It makes me dread going to the 2nd year's classrooms just a little less.

On a stranger note, last week I fixed a fan in one of the 2nd year's classrooms. One student got so excited that he jumped out of his seat in the middle of class and shouted, "JONES! Ai shiteru." Or, "Jones I love you!" My response, "GAH! Seriously?" Later in the class, the same student was singing his own perverted rendition of the school song over the teacher (who was pretending to ignore him. At least, I hope she was pretending). When I walked over to ask him to stop, he stood up and started to pet my arm while saying, "shiroi hea." Which means "white hair." Um....okay...starting to get worried...But then again, this was after he came up and started playing with my pony tail at the start of class. These kids are damn strange! But gosh, do I love them! Where else in the world could I clothesline a kid in the hallway, jump on top of two boys wrestling on the ground, or physically pick a kid up and move him out of my way without fear of getting SUED?!?!?! One more reason why I love this country!!