Field Day...''physical education"....something something something

Ahh....field day. I think we can all think of at least one year where we went outside and ran around doing various track and field activities. Well, get rid of that notion, because that is NOT field day. Like everything else, the Japanese take field day to a new extreme. For two weeks, lessons are all but stopped in order for students to prepare for field day.

Preparation consists of running through field day in its entirety EVERY SINGLE DAY! Then the week of field day, classes are shortened to 45 minutes, and each grade takes 2 classes a day to do nothing but prepare. Then for about an hour+ after school, kids continue to practice. For a while I was counting the number of kids that came into class bandaged, but around 30 I stopped counting. It is ridiculous how hard they run these kids (no wonder they sleep during class). So, what exactly are these kids preparing for? Some sort of tournament??? If you saw the "opening" ceremonies you might think they were preparing future Olympians.  But no! field day is nothing more than the students competing against other classes in random "group" events. Somehow I got "volunteered"..."told"....who knows, somehow I got involved with helping the blue team. So one day I was sitting at my desk, minding my own damn business when another teacher comes up and tells me, "Crysti-sensei, please follow me." Ah, okay? I head outside, and then over to a huge group of kids, where I'm then asked, "Can you please say a few words to help inspire the kids for field day?" WHAT!@##!@ Not knowing anything more than "Ganbari" (work hard), I gave the world's shortest and least understood "inspirational" speech in English. Then I was told I would be in charge of helping some of the groups practice, which was damn interesting because I don't know any Japanese that would help me tell students to stop punching each other and start running.

I guess the purpose of field day is all about teaching Japanese kids to work together. Thus, every event is a group event (except the 100m and 1000/1500m events). The day kicked off with the 100m. Okay, yeaaa fun. Then a 150m 3-legged race.  There were a couple of groups of boys who actually managed to run, in sync, extremely quickly (almost at normal speed). Followed by the 1000m/1500m race, again kids volunteer, so there's like 1 kid who laps the rest of the kids, not too exciting. After was the obstacle course relay (students hop over ridiculously tall boxes, slide under a balance beam, do a summersault on a mattress, hop 1 hurdle, slide under another balance beam, and then tie their legs together to hop to the finish).  The nurse was very busy as the boy literally dove and slid under the balance beams and dove into a forward roll (sometimes off the mat).  After the obstacle course was the mukade (centipede) race.  Think 5-legged race, only students are in a row with their legs tied to the person in front of them (like a dog sled team). This was impressive as students had to "prance" to go quickly. Then another relay, then the 2nd years got into groups for the "flying" carpet race. Basically the entire class stands on top of a large blue tarp. Kids stand at each corner and the whole class jumps in unison as the kids in the corner pull the carpet forward. This was a hot mess! It was like watching jumping dominoes. One kid in the middle always fell on the next kid who...well you get the idea. Somewhere about this time we were allowed a 40 minute lunch break.  It was damn near 1:30, we started at 8:30....I was grumpy.

After lunch was the 4x100 relay and 4x200 relay. Then the classes played tug-o-war, each team played 6 consecutive matches (I honestly think Japanese kids are powered by Energizer batteries). At this point, I was tired of sitting in a chair (trying to keep my head from rolling around as I slept with my eyes open) and got up to go and cheer. I think I freaked a bunch of the kids out :) Japanese people are extremely quiet. I often wonder if sound really comes out of their mouths or if they actually communicate through some sort of telepathy. So when I went out there and used my coaching voice to yell, "PULLL GIRLS PULL!!" loud enough to be heard across the track, those kids PULLED! It actually made me really miss coaching. Every time I'd get up next to a kid, I could see them start to smirk and then dig into the ground and try to pull harder. We won the first match, and the girls and boys were joking about how my loud voice scared them into pulling harder. Boy do I miss yelling at kids to work harder :) The class won the tug-of-war and then the teacher's asked me to cheer for the kids during the next 3 (no joke 3 more relays...and not just 3, there were 3 classes in each group and each class ran a relay, then a mix of each grade ran a relay, and then a mix of all 3 grades ran a relay). Needless to say I was really horse afterwards.  BUT WE WON!!! DAMNIT!!! and we all know winning is all that matters!!! Huh, wait.  No it doesn't.  Apparently in Japan it really doesn't matter who wins.  You should have heard how loudly the losing teams were cheering, even throwing their captains up into the air.  No in Japan it's about learning how to work as a team.  All that preparation and it doesn't matter who wins???!!! Okay, so maybe that's not such a bad thing, but seriously, did we really need to spend two whole weeks to teach them to work together?

Anyways, after all of this, there was a closing ceremony that seemed more like some sort of military award ceremony. Some of the kids were actually crying.  Then the teams got together and "recapped" their amazing group efforts. I, wanting to get my ass out of there (it was 4:30 on a Saturday), started cleaning up. Suddenly a boy comes running over, "Jones...Jones...you need to come!" Ah? okay? So I run over to the group...Hey maybe they're going to applaud my amazing cheering abilities! HAHA!!! NO! What do I get?! "Please give the students a congratulations speech!" WHAT THE #)%! Sure enough as soon as I stand up the kids start going, "Eigo de (in English)" haha great, they're already preparing to be confused.  Not knowing what to say, I pause to think of how to put together an easily understood English congratulatory speech...Just when I open my mouth to start, a bunch of 3rd years start going, "JONES! JONES! JONES!" I think my last name has now become some sort of greeting.  I don't get hello's, I get " JOOOOOONNNESSS!!!! Which is better than the crispy donuts I was getting the first week. Wow, that felt nice! But then I forgot what I was going to say.  So I just said, "Congratulations" Silence, kids looking around trying to figure out what that means.  Um "Omedetou gozaimasu?" YEAAAA!!!! I go to leave and the teachers say, "is that all?" umm, crap, yes.  Twiddling my thumbs, I finally just say, "W-A-Y T-O R-U-N F-A-S-T!" Um, silence...damn, come on now! So I mime it as I say it...YEAAA!!!! Haha, wow, so easily encouraged! I have to say, after 8 hours of running around in the humid heat (it was near 90 with about 50% humidity), these kids were still spirited! It was inspiring, but oh...look at the time 4:50, my time here is DONE! So being the party pooper I am, I ran home and hit the sack.  Because unlike Japanese people, I only run on the cheap batteries.

What the hell are they teaching these kids?

First, "HI" it's been a while. I lost my internet connection for about a week or this MIGHT have gotten done sooner :)

I have officially past my one month mark working in a Japanese school and let me tell you, it has been eye opening. Let me preface this blog by saying that the school that I work at is considered one of the worst in the city. While some of the experiences I have had here are unique to this school, many of the experiences are not.  Other English teachers, who have worked throughout Saitama, have said they have also seen similar situations at their schools.

In America we have this notion that Japanese people are all very intelligent, that the schools are very strict and that all of the kids are well behaved. Like most stereotypes, this couldn't be farther from the truth. The only thing that Japanese teachers are strict about are the students' uniforms and students obeying cultural rules.  I saw a teacher yelling at a group of 1st year girls for over 30 minutes because they didn't say "OHAYO (good morning)" to their sempai (older classmate). He then sat there and had them line-up in the hallway and say good morning to each sempai that walked by. I've seen kids literally choking each other in the hallway and no one says a thing. I've seen girls literally grappling with each other and a teacher walks by and asks, "who's textbook is this?" Kids are constantly breaking stuff because they're so rowdy between class periods. During class, it's not much different. Half of the kids are reading books, doing other work, or sleeping. MAYBE 5% of the students are actually participating, while the other kids are turned around talking. I was in one class last week where the students were crudely having a sexual conversation with graphic hand gestures, in the middle of class. The teacher knew and didn't say anything! Totally stupefied.

The best students are probably the 1st years (7th graders), they're cute and still want to make the teacher happy. The worst thing they do is get too excited and start talking a lot. But as soon as the teacher says to quiet down, they do. Most of them participate and they all work very hard during class (it's cute watching them try so hard to write their alphabet). The 2nd years are THE WORST, god only knows what is going through their heads during class. I think something happens that causes them to become possessed by the spawn of satan during their 2nd year. Seriously, the look in their eyes is horrifying. The 3rd years only behave because they want to go to high school. Teachers can write comments that affect their admission into a good school.  High school isn't mandatory, so some 3rd years just sit around all day.  I saw one girl taking off her fake eyelashes in front of a large cosmetic mirror during class....I hope she looks good, because someday she's going to have to marry a rich man.

But gosh, who can blame these kids. Education here sucks! The teachers are at school for 10-11 hours a day (from 7 or 8 until 6pm) and I never see them planning. Lessons consist of teachers standing up front, talking all hour, students...taking notes? Then students do worksheets. The teachers only state directions once, they DON'T ever clarify, and then they give students a ridiculously short amount of time to do it (I saw a teacher give the students 15 seconds to fill out a Bingo sheet). While the student's work, the teacher stands up front and then when time is up (and no one is finished) the teacher gives the answers.  ALWAYS...seriously what's the point in having them do it, just give them the answers. Most of the students are too confused to know what they're supposed to do, so they just sit there and wait for the answers. Then the teacher calls on students for answers, and before students can answer, they teacher says," That's right, the answer is ....." WHAT!? That's right? They didn't even get the chance to answer. No wonder a majority of the kids go to juku after school (juku is a second school where I'm guessing they actually learn something).

I don't know why, but the teachers feel that talking the whole hour is the best way to "focus on teaching". I teach my own class (3rd year elective English) and one of the teachers said, "You spend A LOT of time planning." I told her, of course I want to make sure that the lesson is engaging, that it teaches the point, and that it gets the student's involved. She responds with, "Japanese teachers prefer to focus on actually teaching." WHAT!? You honestly think the students learn by listening all damn day and repeating after you? I'm surprised the students don't riot (but that's probably because they don't know any better).

Needless to say, the only thing really going on in a Japanese school seems to be teaching kids how to be Japanese. Every morning we have a faculty meeting where a teacher stands up and introduces the principal (really? is it necessary, I mean he's only like 5 feet away from us). The principal says something, it usually sounds like he's talking about a problem (and there are many at this school). Then first teacher stands back up and then introduces each teacher that has something to say that day. Then we break into "teams" and talk again about the day (this is probably because the schedule changes every day). Teachers then go to their classrooms where the EXACT same things happens for the first 20 minutes of school. At the start of every class, a students stands and introduces the teacher and then instructs the class to bow and say "onegaishimasu" which is "please"...I'm guessing it means please instruct us and the teacher says it meaning, please learn. At the end of the class the process is repeated with another phrase meaning something like, "thank you for working hard." Students HAVE to greet their sempai in the hallways. When students enter the faculty room, they have to say, "Shitsureishimasu" (please excuse me, I'm being rude), then state their grade, name and teacher they're looking for. I've seen grown adults come in and do the exact same thing. Another strict routine is the after school cleaning (although I'm not so sure much cleaning actually gets done). Students are responsible for cleaning all restrooms, floors, windows, and stairs. Of course leaving a bunch of 12, 13, and 14 year olds to cleaning a school...well you can imagine the results. Of course they start this process as soon as students enter school, all the way until they graduate.  As adults, Japanese people are exceptionally anal about cleaning EVERY FREAKING DAY! But of course they're not taught how to really clean (a wet rag being run across the floor isn't going to get it clean. I once got so disgusted with how filthy the floor was, that I actually started rubbing the tiles clean. A teacher came up and said, "that is not the Japanese way." Yeah, I know, that's why the school looks 50 years older than it really is!

*Sigh* well, so much work to be done and sooo little time. Where to start....

Blog titles and other things I do on the daily commute

I've officially been here 1 month and two weeks and have gotten into the daily grind of riding the train 35 minutes to and from work everyday. From the looks on the faces of most commuters, this should be a horribly painful process, but I'm sick...so I like it. Actually, I love it. I find all sorts of random things to occupy myself with (not much different from when I drove to work 35 minutes everyday, only it's much safer for me to read on the train than in the car). Now that I am ALMOST a commuting expert, I decided to write a list of things to do while commuting on the train (as I have observed on my daily ride):

1. Read posters - At least try to figure out what the heck they're selling. Japanese advert's are some of the most ambiguous (my personal favorite are the gum adverts, as seen to the right). Seriously!?

2. Stare out the window - Okay so this is neither the most exciting or the most creative thing to do on the train, but there are definitely worse options, especially during rush hour (like staring into the smelly armpit of the guy smashed up next to you). At least the view is usually pretty, of course that all depends on where you're going.

3. Stare at the people next to you - This is ONLY okay if you're a foreigner. Besides, most people are probably staring at you while you're not looking anyways. If you really want to have fun, stare like a Japanese person - the goal is to stare, without STARING. As soon as they turn to catch you, quickly shift your gaze out into the horizon, down at the floor or up at the ceiling.

4. Don't just stare, but stare at all the bishounen or bijin (pretty boys and girls). There's probably AT LEAST one nearby. Great way to pass the time, thinking of all the reasons why they WON'T be chatting you up (like, you don't know Japanese and can only converse using interpretive dance moves and exaggerated facial expressions).

5. Study Japanese - refer to #4 / or as most Japanese females do - study English...

6. Seriously study Japanese, for purely educational reasons. Okay you have a ton of time and nothing to do, might as well be productive.

7. Read nudie mags - Okay, I don't really promote this, but heck you'll spot at least 1 old man doing it. So if you're really brave, go ahead, do as the natives.

8. Play spot the chikan - So apparently the line the I take to work everyday is famous for having a chikan problem (pervert who grabs women on the train). This game would probably be rather entertaining if it wasn't so sick. I have to admit that while I think that many men LOOK like chikan, I have yet to actually see anyone grab someone. I've already prepared a retaliation, but I'll share that IF I ever get to use it.  Otherwise, it's just not very funny.

9. Play dodge the chikan - Okay, I thought this list up while riding the train after it was late 40 minutes and the car was oozing people (people's faces were literally smashed up against the glass). I should stop making fun of a rather serious problem here.

10. Sleep, yeah okay very lame but seriously it's like a disease that affects half the passengers on the train. I fear the day it hits me as I'll most likely miss my stop and have to back track 30 minutes :-|

What to watch for (coming soon):
1) How Japan raises perverts as abundantly as America raises corn
2) Buying Japanese in Japan
3) Where are all my chikan at (this might not ever come at this rate)
4) Japanese hoochie mamas (I'll have to start snapping pics for this one)
5) I bujitsu you! and other school clubs
6) 10 Reasons why NOT to send your child to a Japanese school

Wow, long time no see

So it's been a while since I've had the chance to get on here. The days have flown by and Naoko and I have done a lot of crazy things. The worst part is, I still don't have any appliances (or a light bulb in my room). So let's recap:

1) I got a used fridge for 50 bucks. My roommate and I carried it down the street. One day later the fridge broke. I stood outside the repair shop for 30 minutes waiting for the repair man. Finally I left a note. One week later he called, saying he has a new fridge for us. My roommate asked if we could just return it. So exactly one week later, my roommate and I carried the fridge back up the street. Yeaaa. I still haven't gotten my money back (the lights are on, but no one is ever in the shop).

2)I taught my first set of classes and got put in charge of cleaning duty for 12 ni-nen-sei (2nd years - 8th graders). I have never in my life seen such BAD kids. I saw two kids choking each other in the hallway (turning blue). Two girls grappling and then a teacher walks by and the only thing they say is, "Tuck your collar in." SHOCK! I watched a girl take off her fake eyelashes in the middle of class. Took away scissors from a boy who was cutting up his shoes. Took away a baseball from kids who were literally throwing it across the room. During the 2nd years class, most of the time is spent standing and starring at them. I've learned a lot about the Japanese school system and it's not in a very good state right now. BUT! On a positive note, I get to teach my own class of 3rd years who WANT to learn English!!! YEAAAA :)

3) I watched what looked to be military drills during an assembly (literally standing at attention, and then lifting and lowering their arms to get in a perfect line). The teachers then forced them to sit with their knees bent and arms wrapped around them for 30 minutes. They wonder why the kids go nuts (but they don't want to "punish" them because that's too stressful). The fire drill was even worse, but I won't go there.

4) Roomie and I took a train to Ueno, walked to Akihabara, bought a washing machine, ate the SPICIEST food I've ever had (and that was only a 5 out of 10, the 10 is only served cold and separate from the noodles). I went into a shop that sold American products and clothes with sentences that made no sense - supposedly from America, but it said Made in Mexico. Of course no one seems to think there is any difference between America and Mexico (I guess they've never been to Tijuana). The next day we walked to Omiya (a little over an hour walk) and I bought a new fridge. I wanted to buy a printer, but apparently I need a Japanese operating system :( I found the Japanese products are AS expensive or even MORE expensive in Japan. I saw a 106 inch television going for close to 40k. I also watched Ironman playing in every single store we went into.

5) I experienced my first train "orgy." The train was 30 minutes late and 3 trains full of people crammed into one was NOT pretty. And lots of people must not have bathed that morning.

But the day is over and tomorrow I'm getting a shiny new fridge!

Hmmm?

So I'm sitting in my apartment, on my only piece of furniture (a futon), looking out my curtainless window that looks out into someone's bathroom and someone else's front door, stealing internet, and eating top ramen out of the pot (the only dish I own) wondering...what the hell did I get myself into?

Yesterday, was my first day of school. Arriving at the station promptly at 7:38, I headed over to get my newly purchased bike. The bike was relatively cheap and seeing as I don't have a car to transport a bike, I had to find one that was portable. And oh boy is it portable. The bike folds up to be about 2 feet x 2' x 1'. Seriously, I look like a circus act riding it. The bike looks like it was made for a 6 year old. The seat raises up high enough for me, but the handbars are below my knees. This oddly is convenient, because 1/2 way to school I have to take the bike down two flights of stairs, under an overpass, and up two flights of stairs. So yeaaah for tiny bikes.

Once I'm at school, no one knows who is in charge of me. I have to give a short introduction speech (which was pointless, because everyone keeps asking me the same questions). Then I sit for about 30 minutes before someone tries to figure out what to do with me. I rummaged through my desk, found bunches of useless junk and started trying to translate the English textbooks (which are mostly in Japanese). A teacher finally came up to tell me to follow another teacher into the auditorium where opening ceremonies were about to commence. The purpose being to welcome all the incoming 1st years (7th graders). It was like attending a Catholic mass (stand - sit - stand - sit - bow - sit - stand - bow - bow - sit oh wait stand). We must have done this a good twenty times. A lady would literally say, "Stand - bow - Sit." Then the first years entered and their homeroom teachers proceeded to call "attendance" and each student stood and bowed to the principal. All 100 of them. Two hours later we were done and then it was clean up time. Japanese people are really weak. We were stacking chairs (small chairs, not even American size chairs) and the women were struggling to pick up two. The men did at least four, but I was carrying six. It felt like I was superman for the day. There were 3 of them trying to get this 15 foot chair cart under the stage and couldn't move it, and I come over and just give a shove and it moves too far over.

I'm not sure if it was my showing of superhuman strength or the fact that I spent most of my free time translating the textbook, but at 12:20 both the principal and vp came to my desk and in broken English go, "Crysti, go home." "Um, now?" "Hai. Go come back." "Come back today?" "Ashita. See you ashita" "Ah, okay."

This gave me lots of time to check out the mall near the station. Boy did I hit the jack pot. The mall had a DAISO (100 yen store, which used to be like a 99 cent store). The odd thing is, not everything is 100. Which is deceiving, because they have some really cool things in there and you're like, " SERIOUSLY! Only 100 yen! I have to get me one of those...maybe two or three!" And the next thing you know your basket is full of crap, like towel racks and scrapbooking stamps and you go to the counter and the lady starts counting your items and then goes, "happyaku yen." "WHAT? $8, but..." So then you end up with a ridiculous amount of crap worth more than 100 yen. But I now have a pot, some stuff to stick to my bathroom mirror, and a roll of material to make curtains from so I don't have to leave the room to change. But no matter what, I'm enjoying life here, even if I do find myself dragging an 80 pound suitcase to the station (2 hours away) because the wheel broke. How I got myself into that one will have to wait for another day, because I'm spent (ramen isn't enough to keep a person going for long).

10 Questions that demand answers:

1) Why is it that inside the house my fingers border on frozen, but outside the house it's 80 degrees? (and no the answer has nothing to do with air conditioning...see question 2)

2) Why does the tub have an electrical box that allows you to set the water temperature and then will maintain that temperature, but I have to use a floor heater to try and stay warm?

3) Why are half the shops closed on Saturday and Sunday when people work 12 - 14 hours a day here?

4) Why does the grocery store open at 10am, which then means I have to shop for breakfast at a konbini (convenience store)?

5) Why is it that I can leave my purse, with thousands of dollars in it, in my bicycle basket outside of a bar and no one steals it, but when I leave bungee cords on my bike outside a community center someone takes them?

6) How can they make a toilet that plays songs, warms your butt, and acts as a bidet, but doesn't flush toilet paper?

7) Why do people write me letters in katakana when they're writing Japanese words? (Katakana is used to spell foreign words, hiragana is used to spell Japanese words...it really makes it hard to figure out what they're trying to say....not like it isn't hard enough)

8) Why is it that I need a bank account to get an apartment, a gaikokujin card to open a bank account and an address to get a gaikokujin card? (It takes 1 month to get a gaikokujin card and you have to apply for it in the city that you'll be living in). It's nearly impossible.

9) Why is it that someone is okay with renting to a foreigner without any income, but has to double check to see if they can rent to two people sharing a 3 bedroom apartment?

10) How do Japanese people drink so much and still have a six pack? (People here don't really go to the gym...so I know that's not the answer)

11) Why do Japanese people put storm shutters on every window, but yet the slightest breeze blows under every wall? (There's a breeze hitting my legs, coming up from under the house).

12) Why is it twice as expensive to buy a Honda civic here?

13) Why does someone living in a house with a tin roof drive a Lexus sports car?

14) How long will it take before the Japanese learn how to make a decent washing machine? (Like one that uses warm water, or doesn't leave mysterious crap on my clothes).

15) How do 5 ________s stay in business when they're all located within a block of each other? (This can be said for just about any type of business)