Moving into Tokyo Part 2

Saturday -

Share house in Higashi-Shinjuku. The owner was nice enough to meet me at the station and walk me to the building. The first thing he mentions is that the house is located right on the edge of Kabukicho...well that explains the cheap price ($640/mth for 6 mats/18 sq. feet). For those who might not know, Kabukicho is the number one red light district in Tokyo. Known for its wild sex clubs, over 300 sex shops, and over 80 love hotels...doesn't exactly sound like my idea of a good place to live. But, I had nothing better to do, so I decided to go ahead and check it out anyways...oh gosh.

Nothing like a nice diarrhea color to make a building really make you feel like you're coming home.

Each "apartment" has 5 smaller apartments within.  This is the shared space for the rooms.  The carpet is spotted and in some places cut into squares.  I asked if it was move-in ready and was told I could move in next week..."Is anything else going to be replaced?" "No, it's totally move-in ready."

The kitchen to be shared by 5 people...Maybe he's just assuming people won't ever eat in?

The toilet...I don't remember if there was even a light in this storage closet and cement floors.

One of the finished rooms.  The desk and bed were built by the owner out of wood.  Yes, that's a bed...or a plank.  The floors were also laid by the owner...I'm assuming it's SUPPOSED to be flat.  However, every room had the same problem...again I asked if everything was finished and was told, yes...it's move in ready.  And right after that I was told that almost all of the rooms had been reserved...WHAT!?!?!  650-690 a month (not including utilities) to live in a closet, pee in the dark, share one stove with 5 people, and sleep on a block of wood.  Where can I sign up!?

This room's 30 bucks cheaper a month...I think everyone can tell why.  That space near the window isn't more than 1/2 a foot wide.  This doesn't beat the room that's the cheapest, 630 a month...unfortunately the room is only about 5x5 and doesn't have a window.  I swear it must have been a walk-in closet at one point.
The kicker...with all these cramped rooms and luxury amenities, you get to walk from the 4th floor to the 6th floor to take a shower and use the sink! OH JOY!  Nothing like walking up two flights of stairs, in the middle of the winter to take a shower.  God forbid you then try and share one of the four sinks to blow dry your hair before walking back downstairs.

Here are the only 3 bathroom sinks on 2 floors for about 30 people.  I'm not sure what's really going on in this space.  To the left is what's "going to be" a shared kitchen space (maybe 14x14ft).  I say going to be, because right now it's two rooms.  Which then makes me wondering, if that's going to be a shared kitchen, then what the heck is going to happen to the little kitchenette to the right?

Directly across from the soon to be "shared" kitchen are the shared shower stalls....you might notice the curtain to the left...yes 30 people sharing 4 stalls with nothing but a thin curtain separating them.








With all the possible places to live, I think I'd live in a hostel before living in this place.  Unbelievable!  The owner was a Belgium guy and it's clear that he's trying to create a quick buck.  After politely parting ways, I practically ran back to the station.  Gosh, why do people move to Tokyo?  Why am I moving to Tokyo?

Moving into Tokyo

Somewhere in the last two weeks, I've gone to work...but aside from watching a 2nd year student grab another 2nd year student's penis and squeeze as hard as he can. And...hmm, watching a 1st year student crash through a door.  Oh and teaching in an unheated building with windows wide open while it's snowing outside...not much has been going on.  Well, at least it seems that way, since most my time is consumed with apartment hunting in Tokyo.  What I'm hoping for:

1) Sharehouse, Roommate, or Apartment
2) A shared room that is AT LEAST 6tatami (about 98 sq.ft.) / or apartment that's 20sq.m (about 217.8 sq.ft.)
3) Relatively clean (i.e. no mold, no bugs, and nothing falling down)
4) Under $800/month (yeah, seriously I'm actually going to pay $800 bucks for 217 sq. ft apartment)
5) Somewhere within a 25min train ride from my new job


What I've found:

Share House 1-
Found this through a website called sharese.com. The rent is about 680/month, plus around 70/month for utilities  (the utilities really are that cheap...water, gas, and electric).  Maybe it's because they feel sorry about the landowners sucking the very souls from their tenants.  The house has 6 rooms/roommates.  2 Germans, 2 Japanese, and 2 empty rooms (1/2 men, 1/2 women).

About 10 minute walk from the station (about 20min train ride to work).  Very nice neighborhood, but the house is very small.  Only one bathroom and shower for 6 people....OH MY!

So...not that I was expecting much, but this definitely leaves something to be desired...do I really want to feel more dirty coming out than going in?







Kitchen is very spacious for a Japanese house.  Very nice.  A tad messy, but what can you expect with 6 people.  I'd say the place was rather nice seeing that 6 people lived there.

Dining room...not much going on here.






Living room with the German girl that comes with it. 






First bedroom...probably 98sq. ft.  Large closet...at least I think so.  It comes furnished...with...hopefully everything but the clutter.

Second bedroom...probably about 8 mats...again, somewhere in there.

Oh and I forgot to mention the 5 plants in the room.  I'm not sure what the person is hoping to accomplish...increasing the oxygen count of the room?  Or... it is a guy's room, possibly trying to air-out the room.

Hmm, I wouldn't mind keeping this...although most of the books are hard core science fiction.

Hmm, the hallsways are cramped and the thought of trying to share one bathroom with 6 people is well, mind blowing.  While the price is certainly right, the place feels like a cave...or more like a dorm.  I'd like to think that I'm kind of past that phase in my life.

Back to school

So, wow, it's almost February.  Where does all the time go??? Oh, yeah that's right, on my daily commute.  Sigh...well in all honesty, it's not the train...it's the 15 minute ride in on my bike in 30 degree weather leaving me to spend the whole train ride wiping snot off my jacket.  Then there's the feeling of sweat dripping down my shirt, but not being able to get to it through my 5 layers of clothing.  Or freezing my butt off until I get on the packed train and find myself, once again, dripping with sweat but totally unable to remove any of my layers.  Then back to freezing my butt off while, with sweat dripping down my shirt, waiting 10 minutes for the next train.   Then trying to bury my head like a turtle in my scarf while dodging Japanese salarymen on my 10 minute walk to the school. Yep, so much to look forward to in the morning...It's no wonder it's getting harder and harder to get myself motivated.

School has been rather uneventful...it's like the kids are actually studying and trying to behave themselves.  1st year students have returned to being their quiet timid selves.  The 2nd year students have taken up reading or sleeping instead of being overly obnoxious and borderline psychotic.  But nothing tops the tension drifting about on the 2nd floor.

High school entrance exams are coming up for the 3rd year students, leading to huge amounts of pent up stress.  The second I walked into my sentaku English class I was bombarded with "JONES!" said with such urgency and demanding that I immediately covered my face and walked back out of class.  Returning a few minutes later to the same, "JONES! JONES! JONES! JONES!"  "Yes, Yes, YES?"  Then 4 boys circled me, with the most serious expressions on their faces. 

Without giving them a chance to even open their mouths, I handed the boy next to me a stack of papers and said, "Here, pass these out please." 

At which point, he handed them back and said, "Jones, we won't." To which I responded, "I didn't ask.  Here, pass these out." 

With nervous laughter the other 3 boys poked their spokesman and whispered in his ear.  "Jones, tomorrow, eeetoooo" looks around to the other boys for grammatical support. "Tomorrow, test. Very important.  Must study today.  Won't do English." 

My response, "haha, please pass out these papers."  "BUT JONES!" Looking around seriously, I asked each boy where they were going to test tomorrow.  "How about we compromise." 

Of course, I had to look up the word before I could expect them to understand.  We agreed to first do my paper and then after we were done they could study, but only if the other teacher agreed.
When she came in, I asked.  She just shrugged her shoulders and said, "Eh."  Taking that to mean she didn't care.  I told the students that as long as they were working they could study, but too much talking and I had a very fun worksheet for them to do.  Because they were distracted to begin with, it took most of the students all but 15 minutes of class to finish the worksheet.  After which I followed most of them around with my "really fun worksheet" threatening to slap it on their desk if anyone of them so much as opened their mouths.  Needless to say most of the kids studied.  And I have to say....WHAT THE HELL ARE THESE HIGH SCHOOLS THINKING. 

I can't believe some of the math and physics problems I saw on these practice tests that the kids were taking.  Even the questions on the English test were almost non-nonsensical.  One test had a bunch of squares to make a missing word in the sentence, some squares were doubled which seem to have some significance, but the answers were all numbers....huh.... It leaves one to ask what exactly will they be learning in high school? When did they learn ANY of this in school? I've never seen any of this stuff in their English class...It's no wonder Asian countries are so far ahead...the expectations for these kids are sky high.   It's also no wonder most of the students spend countless hours at juku (kind of like night school, to get additional help on school subjects) and probably many sleepless nights at home pouring through practice tests and study guides. Wow, whatever happened to being a kid?

Starting in elementary school kids are sent off to study and prepare to get into a good junior high school.  Then continue studying and preparing for a good high school, where many of them may continue studying and preparing for a good college (which sometimes take 1-2 additional years of studying after high school).  College seems to be the only time that many students relax, after which they enter the ever exciting Japanese workforce where they spend the rest of their lives trying to crawl their way to the top, all the while being meticulously beaten down and discouraged...all in the name of building...ah who knows what they're trying to build. 

As I walked the classroom, gawking of what was being expected of a 15 year old, the smartest kind in class came up to me and goes, "Mrs. Jones I want the fun worksheet."  Uh...what!? "Huh?"  "It's no good, can't study. Please give me the fun worksheet." Wow, you've gotta be kidding me.  What a somber mood...only 2 months left of school.

How I spent my winter vacation

Tuesday - In a mad rush of fury I find cheap tickets to return home.  I go to work and rush through 1/2 the day so that I can go and get a re-entry visa (30 bucks).  After 3hours and exiting at 3 wrong stations, I finally get to the immigration office, JUST as they're closing their window!! AH!  Rushing to the window, I try to explain the situation as the next day is a public holiday and the tickets are for Thursday.  Kindly enough she rushes the paperwork, I run across the street get my "stamp" to verify payment, and return with her having already stamped and processed my passport! Wow, talk about efficient.  10 minutes later I'm on my way back home. Success!!  Arizona, here I come.

Wednesday - Call ANA, reserve the tickets.  Call to make sure I can pay in cash at the airport.  Sure, okay.  Ready to go.

Thursday - Going to check my ticket information I notice that my ticket had been canceled because I didn't pay.  I go to rebook and there's no more flights left.  Well, what now????   What else!!!! Plan my own vacation to here:  http://www.asaya-hotel.co.jp/

Friday - Monday:

Train Ride - 1.5 hours

Check-in -







Head to room -










Watch crazy English television...seriously?  This guy wouldn't be allowed NEAR children in America, and here in Japan they give him his own tv show!  He has to be one of the skeeziest looking gaijin in Japan.

So what are they teaching kids today?  Oh, yeah common phrases like, "HURRY UP!"  In a culture that has multiple levels of politeness built into their language, they sure as heck teach the rudest English.  Who purposely teaches children to say, "Hurry Up!"  Not just teaching, but it's a whole song and dance routine. 

Explore- 1st on my list, the beautiful foot bath.  Free. About 5 minutes from the hotel overlooking the river that runs through the middle of town.

View from the foot bath.

 View from the cable car up the mountain.

 30 minute hike through the woods...granted everything was dead, but the small bit of snow left was a nice touch.  Unfortunately, I forgot the high heels and miniskirt.  Which seemed to be the required hiking attire for women.  Nothing more enjoyable than watching a woman inch her way down icy stairs in 3 inch heels.

Eat - 4 rows of food. 1) All you can eat sashimi 2)All you can eat pasta, rice, noodles, pizza, and various fried foods 3) Chinese 4) Fruit and salad.  A row of chefs cooking meat to your order. 

Your own personal sukiyaki pot and...

did I mention the all you can eat desert bar (rows of jellies, pies, cakes, and about 12 flavors of ice cream). 

Onsen - Absolutely gorgeous.  Night time, fog rising off the water, being danced about by the cool wind.  The stars visible and the moon directly overhead it is nearly surreal.


Massage -
80 minutes of pure aromatherapy bliss....

Sleep and repeat....While I definitely miss home...well, I can't deny that this was one of the best vacations ever. The only down side was they were running a Christmas couples special...nothing like being the sole single person in a 10 story hotel.  Okay, well the only single person under 70 in the hotel.  But heck, all you can eat breakfast and dinner, delicious baths, massages, and 15 hours of sleep a day...I can't complain. 

Great way to start winter vacation in Japan.

And then all hell broke loose

Wow, I feel like I'm living in an episode of the Twilight Zone.  This week was the all exciting "Parent-Teacher-Student conferences".  Every student and teacher met to discuss the student's attitude, motivation, and performance in class.  In Japan, students stay in the same classroom all day while the teachers rotate.  Each class has a homeroom teacher that keeps a class notebook of behavior notes for all of the students in each class.  Teachers also meet daily to talk about concerns.  These concerns are then delivered to parents in the most honest, but sensitive (Japanese) way possible.  I really wish I could have been present for some of them.  I expect to see a lot of gifts in the teacher's lounge next week from embarrassed parents.  So, what's happened this week?

Monday - wow, oh wow...a busy day of reading tests.  I have to admit the students are improving, but gosh, listening to 80 Japanese kids trying to read English is near painful.  And then listening to them complain when they get a B, because "please" became "place" and "try" became "nantoka" (UH....) and every word was read in robotic fashion...sigh.  I quickly learned the phrase, "kimochi wo komete" (insert feeling).

Later in the day, I was heading upstairs to the 1st year's floor (4th floor).  As I passed the 2nd year floor, I suddenly hear, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" and then spotted kids running up and down the hallway.  Then a group of girls start in on "Old McDonald..."  which was more like: "Uh huh uhhh huh nanana E-I-E-I-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...heheheahahaha."  Then came the banging and a group of boys shoving each other up against the wall.  It's like the 3rd floor psych ward.  Continuing up to the 4th floor, I walk into class 1-1 and stop dead in my tracks.  It's about 30 degrees outside and they have every window and balcony door open.  Students are sitting on their desks, some boys are throwing paper airplanes, a group of girls are trying to grab one another's private parts, as are a group of three boys who are piled on each other's laps in a single chair.  To top it off, the two smallest, nerdiest boys in class are fighting, literally. One boy had the other boy in a choke hold (limply) and was punching him in the stomach (probably to little affect).  OH DEAR GOD!  What the hell has happened here!?  I stop and just stare for a few seconds upon which they notice me and stop.  The English teacher walks in and I say, "It seems all hell has broken loose."  She just looks at me and asks what that means.  I then give an impromtu lesson on the phrase, writing it on the board so she can see it.  She then says, "Recently, all hell has been breaking loose in class 1-1 and I don't know why the kids have become crazy" (taught her crazy last week).  Shoganai ne (it can't be helped).

Tuesday - Elementary school.  The real highlight of my day was receiving this picture, for the 6th grade yearbook, drawn by the secretary.  I  am the one on the right swinging from the stem.  Totally awesome.  She asked me to write something and not knowing really what to write, I spent about 1 minute writing "nantoka nantoka...blahblahblah" and then gave it back.  She looked at me and says, "You're already done! That's fast...it took me 3 days to draw the picture."  Uhhhh??? And? Am I supposed to take three days to write a note to a group of kids I see once a month?  Probably not the best response I could have come up with.

Wednesday - Start of parent conferences, only 4 classes.  After which I was asked to help tutor slower students.  3 girls. The first girl is clearly slower, back in America she would be in a resource classroom.  She really struggles in school, but all the teachers say is: "she just doesn't have any motivation to learn." Hmm, even when she does try she gets 15 out of 100 at best.  She's a sweet girl, but the only thing I ever hear from her is, "zenzen wakaranai" (I don't understand anything).  The second girl walks in with a CRAZY look in her eye, almost like she wanted to eat me alive.  She turned to the English teacher and says, "I don't want to work with Jones. She's scary." ME!?!  Crap this girl always looks ready to beat someone up.  At that moment, another student came in to ask a question and the little girl turns to her, in a gangster like voice barks, "Wadda ya want? Get outta here." WHOA!? The girl ignores her and keeps trying to talk.  The little girl just keeps saying to get out, she can't be in here.  Then a 3rd student trails in.  She's the smallest 2nd year student.  This girl spends the majority of her time in the nurse's office or standing at the entrance of the teacher's lounge.  Last week, her other classmates were screaming at her in the middle of class, while she wildly drew dark circles through her textbook.  A couple days later she called 119 to come get her from school because she didn't want to go home.  They couldn't get any information out of her, so she ended up spending a few hours at the police station.  Crap and I'm supposed to do what with these girls?  Teach them phonics?! WHAT!  At first the little gangster girl wouldn't even look at me, the slow girl immediately forgot everything the second we moved onto another letter, and the little girl...she honestly didn't really seem to need any help, but was there probably just to have something to do so the other kids wouldn't pick on her.  All in all it was pretty fun.  I taught them that calling a teacher, teacher, in America is rude and I'd prefer Miss Jones.  When I got up to leave they all said, "Thank you Miss Jones."  AHH!!! so cute.  I guess it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

Thursday - Not so cute.  This time I was asked to help 4 boys...oh lord help me.  From the very start one boy would only say "poop" to every question.
Me- "A, A, Apple"
Him- "A, A, Apple poop"
Me - "D, D, Dog"
Him-"D, D, Dog poop"
Sigh...then he made the sentence (in English) - "Poop in pasta rice."
Me - "Wow, impressive...next"
We then get to F
Me - "F, F, Fish"
Him-"F, F, F*ck You"
Me - WHOA! I don't think so!  In America that'll get you hit, you don't say that."  The boys were genuinely shocked that people will hit you for saying that.  Here it's about as casual as any other greeting one might use.
After F, he goes back to poop.
Me - "S, S, snake"
Him - "S, S, sh*t"
OH COME ON!  SERIOUSLY!? Quickly finishing the rest of the sounds, the boy stands up and goes...no joke, "All this talk of poop.  I want to go poop now.  Wait a second."
Upon returning, he begins spelling memorable words like, sex and hentai eros (perverted love).  Of course right at that moment another teacher comes in and sees this and to my suprise says absolutely nothing!!! No wonder the kids go nutty in his class.
I try to move on to teaching verbs.
Me - "Eat"
Boys -"I eat girls" (NO JOKE)
Me - "Play"
Boys - "Boys and girls play sex" (Here they teach the kids that the verb "do" also means play)
Me - Okay, I'm done. You guys seem to know everything you'll need later in life.  Good luck. Bye bye.

Friday - I was in a 3rd year class helping students translate sentences.  One of the boys in the class was just sitting there, so I went over to help him figure out the first sentence.  As I was squatting near his desk he throws his hands up to his face and shouts, "GAIJIN OPPAI! AH! Oh NO! Oh My GOD! SO BIG! OH OH OH!"  WHAT THE HECK! I don't even have large breasts.  He finally calms down and I try to help him.  At the end of class, as I'm leaving and he stands up and says, "Thank you VERY much Mr. Jones."

Yes, I'm not a big breasted man.  Doesn't get much better than that.  Just 3 days left before break.  Should be interesting to see how things go from here.

And just when I thought things couldnt get any nuttier...

they do.

This week, 6 2nd year boys thought it would be entertaining to fight in the hallways after school...5-on-1.  Needless to say the 1 boy was pretty banged up.  Teachers were pissed because that meant they had to stay late to talk to all of the boys and their parents.  And what exactly came of this 2 hour 6pm meeting?  NOTHING!  The very next day every boy was back in class with nooo consequences and according to the teachers 1/2 of them didn't think that they did anything wrong!!!! What the heck!? 

It seems that by this point in the year, everyone in school, including the teachers, have become afraid of ONE boy.  I'm going to call him flowerman...1) because I'm not creative enough to come up with something different and 2) because part of his name is flower.  Flowerman isn't even that intimidating.  I've seen much more threatening 1st graders back in America.  But for some reason, some of the bigger boys, manchildren really, in the 2nd grade are also afraid of him.  I guess the teachers and students think he's actually crazy.  And by crazy they mean that he doesn't care about anything; which probably sounds awfully familiar to most teachers in the States.  His parents have given up and the teachers won't go near him, so that leaves him and his pea-sized brain to run the 3rd floor of the school.  It's like promoting the craziest patient in the psych ward to ward director. NUTS! ABSOLUTELY NUTS!  I'm tired of this crap.  My voice can't take any more screaming over the animal house that is the 3rd floor.  Next week I'm going to implement my solution.  It's called PROJECT ESTABLISH DOMINANCE.  Just give me a few more days in the gym and my biceps should be ready to challenge him to the time-tested gauge of manliness:  an arm-wrestling competition.  That's right, I'm going to challenge a 13 year old boy to an arm-wrestling contest.  Since I don't know enough Japanese to talk to him, I figure the best I can do is drop his ego a few notches.  Fortunately, there aren't any laws in Japan against such methods and people here don't sue.  Unfortunately, there aren't any safety regulations either and all the students are allowed to carry box cutters.  Yeah, that's right, in the madness that is Japanese education they actually let each kid carry around their own box cutter...CRAP! That's like giving the people in prison a knife upon entry.  Where the hell is the common sense!?

On a happier note, kids are finally starting to talk to me.  These conversation range from being asked, "Do you know something something Nightingale?" This was actually sung to me by a group of 4 1st year girls...I had NOOO idea what it was until one girl pronounced EVERY phoneme of the word.  I've been asked if my glasses are fashion glasses (people actually wear fake glasses over their contacts here).  I get asked daily if this is my real hair color, eye color, etc., etc.  My favorite conversation today was with a second year boy who caught me jay-walking.  This is the same boy who screams, "NAN DAIYO!" every time I look at him...(what/why are you doing that!?).  He felt it was his duty to tell me that it was wrong and that I should wait until the light turns blue.  Yes, in Japan the traffic light is blue, not green, even though it really is green.  I was impressed by his attempt at using English to chastize me about illegally crossing the street (especially since the same kid sleeps through class every day).  But nothing was better than the naughty 2nd year boy who seems to have learned English by osmosis....

Class 2-2 (the LOUDEST class in school) Start of class -

Naughty boy at the back - "Stand-up.  Please say Stand-up!"
Teacher - "Stand up please. Hello, class"
Class - "Hello Mrs. Tabiti" (they really call her that)
Naughty boy- "How are you class?"
Teacher...looking annoyed - "How are you today?"
Naughty boy- "Imfainsenkyunu and Ms. Jones?"
Mrs. Jones - "Good afternoon everyone"
Boys - "Good afternoon beautiful teacher Jones" (HELL YEAH!)
Mrs. Jones - "How are you today?"
Naughty boy - "I'm fabulous senks" (this is my line)
Mrs. Jones - "I'm super thanks"
Naughty boy - "Tabiti teacher what's super?"
For the rest of the class the student continued with all the teacher's lines, "Please turn to page 35." "Please repeat after Ms. Jones." "Okay, good job class now I'm Yuki and you're Mike."  "You are listening to English Radio...."

Ahhhh, that explains it all.  But I'm not going to complain.  The last last 10 minutes of class I was left by myself with nothing to do.  Standing at the front of the class, I suddenly find myself alone with absolutely NO idea what I'm going to do, when the naughty boy at the back yells, in English "Quiet everybody this is English time, Ms. Jones is trying to teach.  Listen to her."  He then says it in Japanese and when everyone gets quiet he goes, "Okay Ms. Jones."  We went through flashcards a few times...still time left....stalling stalling... losing the kids...but the kid in the back once again shouted for everyone to shut up.  HALLELUJIAH!!! Where the heck did he come from?!  Fabulous!!!  I don't understand what all these teachers are worked up about.  The 2nd years are so bad really.