Blog titles and other things I do on the daily commute

I've officially been here 1 month and two weeks and have gotten into the daily grind of riding the train 35 minutes to and from work everyday. From the looks on the faces of most commuters, this should be a horribly painful process, but I'm sick...so I like it. Actually, I love it. I find all sorts of random things to occupy myself with (not much different from when I drove to work 35 minutes everyday, only it's much safer for me to read on the train than in the car). Now that I am ALMOST a commuting expert, I decided to write a list of things to do while commuting on the train (as I have observed on my daily ride):

1. Read posters - At least try to figure out what the heck they're selling. Japanese advert's are some of the most ambiguous (my personal favorite are the gum adverts, as seen to the right). Seriously!?

2. Stare out the window - Okay so this is neither the most exciting or the most creative thing to do on the train, but there are definitely worse options, especially during rush hour (like staring into the smelly armpit of the guy smashed up next to you). At least the view is usually pretty, of course that all depends on where you're going.

3. Stare at the people next to you - This is ONLY okay if you're a foreigner. Besides, most people are probably staring at you while you're not looking anyways. If you really want to have fun, stare like a Japanese person - the goal is to stare, without STARING. As soon as they turn to catch you, quickly shift your gaze out into the horizon, down at the floor or up at the ceiling.

4. Don't just stare, but stare at all the bishounen or bijin (pretty boys and girls). There's probably AT LEAST one nearby. Great way to pass the time, thinking of all the reasons why they WON'T be chatting you up (like, you don't know Japanese and can only converse using interpretive dance moves and exaggerated facial expressions).

5. Study Japanese - refer to #4 / or as most Japanese females do - study English...

6. Seriously study Japanese, for purely educational reasons. Okay you have a ton of time and nothing to do, might as well be productive.

7. Read nudie mags - Okay, I don't really promote this, but heck you'll spot at least 1 old man doing it. So if you're really brave, go ahead, do as the natives.

8. Play spot the chikan - So apparently the line the I take to work everyday is famous for having a chikan problem (pervert who grabs women on the train). This game would probably be rather entertaining if it wasn't so sick. I have to admit that while I think that many men LOOK like chikan, I have yet to actually see anyone grab someone. I've already prepared a retaliation, but I'll share that IF I ever get to use it.  Otherwise, it's just not very funny.

9. Play dodge the chikan - Okay, I thought this list up while riding the train after it was late 40 minutes and the car was oozing people (people's faces were literally smashed up against the glass). I should stop making fun of a rather serious problem here.

10. Sleep, yeah okay very lame but seriously it's like a disease that affects half the passengers on the train. I fear the day it hits me as I'll most likely miss my stop and have to back track 30 minutes :-|

What to watch for (coming soon):
1) How Japan raises perverts as abundantly as America raises corn
2) Buying Japanese in Japan
3) Where are all my chikan at (this might not ever come at this rate)
4) Japanese hoochie mamas (I'll have to start snapping pics for this one)
5) I bujitsu you! and other school clubs
6) 10 Reasons why NOT to send your child to a Japanese school

Wow, long time no see

So it's been a while since I've had the chance to get on here. The days have flown by and Naoko and I have done a lot of crazy things. The worst part is, I still don't have any appliances (or a light bulb in my room). So let's recap:

1) I got a used fridge for 50 bucks. My roommate and I carried it down the street. One day later the fridge broke. I stood outside the repair shop for 30 minutes waiting for the repair man. Finally I left a note. One week later he called, saying he has a new fridge for us. My roommate asked if we could just return it. So exactly one week later, my roommate and I carried the fridge back up the street. Yeaaa. I still haven't gotten my money back (the lights are on, but no one is ever in the shop).

2)I taught my first set of classes and got put in charge of cleaning duty for 12 ni-nen-sei (2nd years - 8th graders). I have never in my life seen such BAD kids. I saw two kids choking each other in the hallway (turning blue). Two girls grappling and then a teacher walks by and the only thing they say is, "Tuck your collar in." SHOCK! I watched a girl take off her fake eyelashes in the middle of class. Took away scissors from a boy who was cutting up his shoes. Took away a baseball from kids who were literally throwing it across the room. During the 2nd years class, most of the time is spent standing and starring at them. I've learned a lot about the Japanese school system and it's not in a very good state right now. BUT! On a positive note, I get to teach my own class of 3rd years who WANT to learn English!!! YEAAAA :)

3) I watched what looked to be military drills during an assembly (literally standing at attention, and then lifting and lowering their arms to get in a perfect line). The teachers then forced them to sit with their knees bent and arms wrapped around them for 30 minutes. They wonder why the kids go nuts (but they don't want to "punish" them because that's too stressful). The fire drill was even worse, but I won't go there.

4) Roomie and I took a train to Ueno, walked to Akihabara, bought a washing machine, ate the SPICIEST food I've ever had (and that was only a 5 out of 10, the 10 is only served cold and separate from the noodles). I went into a shop that sold American products and clothes with sentences that made no sense - supposedly from America, but it said Made in Mexico. Of course no one seems to think there is any difference between America and Mexico (I guess they've never been to Tijuana). The next day we walked to Omiya (a little over an hour walk) and I bought a new fridge. I wanted to buy a printer, but apparently I need a Japanese operating system :( I found the Japanese products are AS expensive or even MORE expensive in Japan. I saw a 106 inch television going for close to 40k. I also watched Ironman playing in every single store we went into.

5) I experienced my first train "orgy." The train was 30 minutes late and 3 trains full of people crammed into one was NOT pretty. And lots of people must not have bathed that morning.

But the day is over and tomorrow I'm getting a shiny new fridge!

Hmmm?

So I'm sitting in my apartment, on my only piece of furniture (a futon), looking out my curtainless window that looks out into someone's bathroom and someone else's front door, stealing internet, and eating top ramen out of the pot (the only dish I own) wondering...what the hell did I get myself into?

Yesterday, was my first day of school. Arriving at the station promptly at 7:38, I headed over to get my newly purchased bike. The bike was relatively cheap and seeing as I don't have a car to transport a bike, I had to find one that was portable. And oh boy is it portable. The bike folds up to be about 2 feet x 2' x 1'. Seriously, I look like a circus act riding it. The bike looks like it was made for a 6 year old. The seat raises up high enough for me, but the handbars are below my knees. This oddly is convenient, because 1/2 way to school I have to take the bike down two flights of stairs, under an overpass, and up two flights of stairs. So yeaaah for tiny bikes.

Once I'm at school, no one knows who is in charge of me. I have to give a short introduction speech (which was pointless, because everyone keeps asking me the same questions). Then I sit for about 30 minutes before someone tries to figure out what to do with me. I rummaged through my desk, found bunches of useless junk and started trying to translate the English textbooks (which are mostly in Japanese). A teacher finally came up to tell me to follow another teacher into the auditorium where opening ceremonies were about to commence. The purpose being to welcome all the incoming 1st years (7th graders). It was like attending a Catholic mass (stand - sit - stand - sit - bow - sit - stand - bow - bow - sit oh wait stand). We must have done this a good twenty times. A lady would literally say, "Stand - bow - Sit." Then the first years entered and their homeroom teachers proceeded to call "attendance" and each student stood and bowed to the principal. All 100 of them. Two hours later we were done and then it was clean up time. Japanese people are really weak. We were stacking chairs (small chairs, not even American size chairs) and the women were struggling to pick up two. The men did at least four, but I was carrying six. It felt like I was superman for the day. There were 3 of them trying to get this 15 foot chair cart under the stage and couldn't move it, and I come over and just give a shove and it moves too far over.

I'm not sure if it was my showing of superhuman strength or the fact that I spent most of my free time translating the textbook, but at 12:20 both the principal and vp came to my desk and in broken English go, "Crysti, go home." "Um, now?" "Hai. Go come back." "Come back today?" "Ashita. See you ashita" "Ah, okay."

This gave me lots of time to check out the mall near the station. Boy did I hit the jack pot. The mall had a DAISO (100 yen store, which used to be like a 99 cent store). The odd thing is, not everything is 100. Which is deceiving, because they have some really cool things in there and you're like, " SERIOUSLY! Only 100 yen! I have to get me one of those...maybe two or three!" And the next thing you know your basket is full of crap, like towel racks and scrapbooking stamps and you go to the counter and the lady starts counting your items and then goes, "happyaku yen." "WHAT? $8, but..." So then you end up with a ridiculous amount of crap worth more than 100 yen. But I now have a pot, some stuff to stick to my bathroom mirror, and a roll of material to make curtains from so I don't have to leave the room to change. But no matter what, I'm enjoying life here, even if I do find myself dragging an 80 pound suitcase to the station (2 hours away) because the wheel broke. How I got myself into that one will have to wait for another day, because I'm spent (ramen isn't enough to keep a person going for long).

10 Questions that demand answers:

1) Why is it that inside the house my fingers border on frozen, but outside the house it's 80 degrees? (and no the answer has nothing to do with air conditioning...see question 2)

2) Why does the tub have an electrical box that allows you to set the water temperature and then will maintain that temperature, but I have to use a floor heater to try and stay warm?

3) Why are half the shops closed on Saturday and Sunday when people work 12 - 14 hours a day here?

4) Why does the grocery store open at 10am, which then means I have to shop for breakfast at a konbini (convenience store)?

5) Why is it that I can leave my purse, with thousands of dollars in it, in my bicycle basket outside of a bar and no one steals it, but when I leave bungee cords on my bike outside a community center someone takes them?

6) How can they make a toilet that plays songs, warms your butt, and acts as a bidet, but doesn't flush toilet paper?

7) Why do people write me letters in katakana when they're writing Japanese words? (Katakana is used to spell foreign words, hiragana is used to spell Japanese words...it really makes it hard to figure out what they're trying to say....not like it isn't hard enough)

8) Why is it that I need a bank account to get an apartment, a gaikokujin card to open a bank account and an address to get a gaikokujin card? (It takes 1 month to get a gaikokujin card and you have to apply for it in the city that you'll be living in). It's nearly impossible.

9) Why is it that someone is okay with renting to a foreigner without any income, but has to double check to see if they can rent to two people sharing a 3 bedroom apartment?

10) How do Japanese people drink so much and still have a six pack? (People here don't really go to the gym...so I know that's not the answer)

11) Why do Japanese people put storm shutters on every window, but yet the slightest breeze blows under every wall? (There's a breeze hitting my legs, coming up from under the house).

12) Why is it twice as expensive to buy a Honda civic here?

13) Why does someone living in a house with a tin roof drive a Lexus sports car?

14) How long will it take before the Japanese learn how to make a decent washing machine? (Like one that uses warm water, or doesn't leave mysterious crap on my clothes).

15) How do 5 ________s stay in business when they're all located within a block of each other? (This can be said for just about any type of business)

WHAT!?@ I don't have to pay for this?

Yesterday, my housemate took me to SoftBank to try and get a phone. She was under the impression that SoftBank was the cheapest company to go with. After looking at all of the phones (one of them was $900...yes $900...for that price it better be as good as my laptop and make my breakfast). First, they don't have any "0 yen" phones. Second, if you don't pay for the phone up front, you can end up paying 2 - 4 x's more for the phone (one $150 phone was $600 if you paid in monthly installments). Right now, SoftBank is fairly famous for having foreign movie stars do commercials (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=as8M8POpzu8). They also have this rather humorous commercials for their WHITE PLAN: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mnz1QvmdQK4 (they're a family and the dog's the dad).
Needless to say, there is nothing inexpensive about SoftBank. The cheapest plan is 2000 yen ($20)...ah but Crysti, that's soooo cheap, what are you talking about. Yeah, but for 2000 yen you don't really get anything but 10 minutes of talk time. YEAH 10 MINUTES! That doesn't include email which is 315 yen charge to just have an e-mail name and then 1200 yen charge to have the ability to e-mail (which they charge you whether you use it or not). But you really can't e-mail, no to actually send and receive e-mails that's 4200 yen a month. But get this, the first month you have to pay 9550 yen for ALL of their services and then after that you can drop the services you don't want (like I'll remember or know how to do that). So for the phone and the first month it costs 20000 yen ($200) and that was for the cheapest phone and for basic service and no real minutes I'd pay 6000 yen a month (for what?).

Today we went to AU. I have no idea what it stands for, but it seems to be a common service (almost all the teachers have it). Their most expensive phone was $450, but it was also a tv/walkman/ and 8.0 megapixel digital camera. Au is hip with the times and has a whole wall of phones that are the previous years model for 0 yen if you sign a 2-year contract. The contract included 90 minutes of talk time (the most was 120) and then 1050 for 3000 e-mails. The phone has 5.0 megapixel camera and is a Sony Ericcson Walkman. All I had to do was fill out a piece of paper and I walked out with a brand new phone and service...FOR NOTHING! I asked to pay and the guy said they would bill me. Seriously? I didn't give them anything other than my address (which for all he knows could be fake)!! SUGOI! If I wasn't such an honest person I would have just gotten myself a free cybershot camera. Talk about trust! The only problem is it's all in Japanese, so it might take me a few days to figure out how to use it.

New Phone :http://www.phonemag.com/sony-ericsson-cyber-shot-w61s-01531.php